All rights, gd jobs, tdy jus had time to blog.. lol.. hmm.. l8er muz chiong eng letter.. day started quite ok la, this morning chiong phy lab 2 borrow thermocouple, Kelvin’s great idea, and datalogger also from phy lab, then TLL l8er say, “eh? U borrow from phy lab ah? bio lab also hav leh..” wth! walao! Make me run to phy lab! bai zou yi tang lor! nxt time u want u get on ur own la, guit rm key also liddat, l8er den come n say we go down dere instead, dun stay in sch.. -_-“ wth. screw u la. waste a lot of my time.
Vic tdy not in sch, so aft guit got no one to pei wo 2 train chin ups.. haiz.. no one to crap wif... lame joke machine out of order... =P haiz..
Saw sth tt made me abit sianx, n pissed. shant say hu la. ok, wyy’s IC is exactly the same as tt when I did s-s 3 mths ago. Yea, I happened to see it when I was writing mine. And it looked damn familiar. Gd jobs la, u knew u were e one wif e IC no liddat in the same nos n u still nv say. now I return e bk den cannot test if it works or not le. hmph. Just my luck to have u as the easiest soul to connect to. if it was sb else it would have been much easier. Wth la. u knew it. cos I rmb askin u. and askin a lot of ppls if they knew, n u dunwan 2 say. but y? haiz.. no point now la.. after all e bk is not here le..
Haiz.. guess my soul had the wrong impression of u then ba.. or its jus tt u changed now.. If try doin it again now I dunno if my soul would still choose u. haiz.. wdv la. dun wanna think so much. 4get it..
hmm.. if u still wanna try den tell me la. lol. cos i also wanna try, but din get to.
slashed at 11:26 PM .
Long time nv post le.. thx vic, xinyi and san for keeping my taggie alive! Or else it would have died a long time ago. =P n I din 4get u hor, san! jus tt damn busy month, din hav time to blog at all. hmm.. seems tt sb actually moved her blog instead of deleting it.. =) gd la.. at least u dun jus run away from those ppls hu hate u. sme ppls been visiting here quite often, maybe suppose I shall do the same, cos I jus dun welcome them la. if I move my blog somewhere else den I’ll be less likely to commit murder. Lol.
Hmm... went 2 J8 wif vic, kel and mr tdy, mr as usual, tok kok all e way.. kel n mr went LJS 2 eat, while vic n I went 2 look at gloves.. actually thinking of getting one cos my hand is super bruised, n I dunwan it to worsen, so tht of getting one.. took quite some time to think, den finally saw one tt I liked.. =) lol.. seemed quite ok la, not bad design. prolly nxt wk den come n buy.. lol.. cos still hav to consider awhile.. =P and yea, if u want e waxy sling bag, but still saving den dun get it 1st, wait till May den I get 4 u also can wad.. =) hahax.. at least I know u’ll lk e bag.. =D
hmm.. tmr gotta rush out ss n geog, dunno y mr wanna mt 2 do up a speech.. --__--“ jus try to rush down dere lk last wk ba.. haiz.. rush and rush again. sianx...
got a damn lot of stuffs on my mind. scared I 4get.. Maths plus, eng letter, psl testi, buckley shirt, 30 qns maths tb, maths hw. Gd jobs.. is dere anymore? I gonna die le.. stressed.. =(
slashed at 8:21 PM .
Sry for the wingdings posts, I just can’t bring myself to post such emo stuffs, so decided to leave it in wingdings, so as to keep ppls who know this blog from reading what I feel now.
basically summing up the whole entire post of wingdings, is this. I regret not listening to my kor. My father once told me, “your closest friend is your greatest enemy”. How true. I can’t believe that I’ve actually befriended such an idiot. You’re insensitive and self-centered. U only fking care about yourself and dun consider the feelings of others around you. my heart is bleeding, and the last time that I felt such I weird feeling was 2 yrs ago, when a gd fren betrayed me, and 5 yrs ago, when another gd friend left me. I got a good mind that one of us can go die right now, if it should solve the problem.
Friends closest to you just hurt you the most, cos you bare your soul to them, and they know your weaknesses, so they use them to harm you. these aren’t your true friends though they say they are.
I guess I miss the old you. I dunno what’s happened. This yr you’ve changed. Really changed a lot. I should say that last yr you were the best friend I’d ever had in my life. I wished you would stay like that forever. You taught me care. You reinforced in me the true meaning of sacrifice. For such a friend, I wouldn’t mind laying down my life for him, as I believed that he would too.
But you’re different now. dunno wad’s gotten into you. maybe insensitive and self-centered is an understatement. You dun need friends now, cos they’re not important to you right? All you want is to be better than others and you don’t give a damn on how you achieve your goals. I dare say that I may be lacking in integrity at times (but you’re much worse off. bloody hypocrite.) but my true friends rank just below god in my heart, together with my parents and my kor.
The old you will stay in my heart forever, as the best friend I’ve ever had.
Went msia on sat, rushed back on mon. oh well, went to hand in my 500 “essays”. cos of some ungrateful friend, I had to write tt. now my hand is damn pain can? Every year, someone just has to betray me.. is this my fate or what? Or is it tt god knows tt I never forgive anyone so he wants to make me learn forgiveness?
I keep rerunning the incidents in my mind. dunno y. is this what they call mental torture?
Maybe I’ll forgive you this time, just change for the better k? it’s gd tt u realize how u’ve been so far, at least u know tt u’ve been such an idiot. just let me put everything behind me now. give you one chance. last one. pls dun let me lose all faith in you. thx.
Guess u kinda have returned to how u were b4, but its no longer the same after all the hurt tt u caused me. I’ll try to accept u again. and I guess we have to start all over again.
slashed 3 wooden dummies right across their body, into half just 3 days ago. 1st time. well done la. kor was damn shocked. =P guess I pro la.. cos kor only managed 2 do it once. Not 3 times. n not to the thickness of dummies, but to a tree.. hehe.. yay.. pro pro.. oh well, when ppl get angry, they can do a lot of things I guess. Relax la, im ok, I jus dunwan 2 tell u cos u can’t do anth abt it la.. lol.. anw, thx 4 ur concern, kor. im fine.
Oh well, stressed out, sad, and frustrated. Kinda pissed, but decided to calm down la. no point rite? was thinking of moving my blog. To somewhere else, so tt I wun need to post in wingdings again. anw, wt closed down her blog again. prolly some fked up idiot came to harass her. just report it to the police la. is there anth else tt u can do? Unless u want to keep closing ur blog for the rest of your life? haiz.. u taught us how to be firm at times rite? sec 2 CLE on assertiveness. rmb now? Haiz.. up 2 u la.. I have no right to say tt u shld face up 2 this stuffs when I can’t even handle my own probs. But its ur choice.
Between grades and friendship, which one would you choose? I asked vic tt qn ytd, he chose friendship. Thanks. Least I know I have a true friend that I can rely on and trust. Those of you who choose grades, get out of my life. you are not worthy to be my friend.
“Live by what you trust, not by what you fear.” dunno hu said b4.
slashed at 11:22 PM .
Kind of wondered if you really treat me as your friend, or rather your competitor, or your enemy. I really don’t know wad you’re thinking, sometimes when I try to help you, you return my help with your stuck-up attitude. When I try to care for you, you brush off my concerns. The last time you asked from me a favour, which was just lk 2 days ago, I suddenly had flashbacks of all that you did to hurt me. maybe I shouldn’t have been too close to you. I should be just lk u.
“maybe I shouldn’t have taken geog sitting beside you. maybe I should just take my own notes, and when you ask to copy abit, I just selfishly dun lend you, dun let you learn. cos I dun lk ppl to be smarter than me. Cos I’m happy when I score better than you. cos I treated you as my benchmark and never as a friend. too bad you treat me as your friend. wow, close friend too. But I’ve never treated you as mine. You’re just there so I can use u. wdv I dunwan to do, I pass to you. you’re there to just listen to what I say, and you’re my servant, what I order you to do, you must do. You treat me well is your problem, cos I wont reciprocate. I’ve in fact never cared for you. when you’re injured I don’t give a damn, who are you to me? pain or not I dun really care ok? tt time I got injured I also wun let your filthy hands touch my finger to see if its ok. so many times you help me, but I still wun let you know the real figure for bio, I dunwan you to be as smart as me. my GPA must win you this year. you exist just to help me to win you. I dun share my notes with you, cos you were wrong to regard me as a friend. I never once thought that you were. Stupid fool. Don’t you get it? this is my attitude. I’m just making use of you. =)
I don’t like it when you score better than me. how can it be? This can’t be! I must win you. I hate it when you get extra marks, when you din deserve them, but they were given to you. although I dun stand to gain any marks, but im happy that you din get your A+ for Chinese. Woots! Yay! not tt bad huh.. I borrow your paper from you and see if the teacher was lenient to you, and he did mark you wrongly. Heng ah.. liddat I dun lose to you so much le. you’re just my dartboard. Since when were you my friend? lucky I managed to use peer pressure to force you to give up your marks. Hah. Even if you don’t I’ll still report to the teacher myself.”
And for that, I’ll remember this incident. Even vic said tt I should have just kept quiet. I hereby vow tt you will never get to touch my papers in future. You once helped me get back my marks for my chem OBA last yr, even though you knew I was wrong. I was grateful for that, and tt’s y we became friends. I decided to help you, to aid you through these months. But this is how you repay my kindness. I will never forgive you. for you have left a deep cut in my heart. This is one wound that will never heal. Forever leaving a scar. The tales talk of the selfish human heart driving away the grateful spirits that were to help man who had once helped them before. Maybe its time for me to become that emotionless blade again.
it was you who did not treasure this friendship, not me. i looked upon you as a friend, even a brother, but you betrayed my trust. And trust once lost can never be gained back.
slashed at 10:24 PM .
I dunno how I should feel today. felt lk crap this morning. Dizzy but still came to class. A not dere yet. Went to B’s class to borrow philo essay frm B. felt damn useless tt I couldn’t help A in the pt ytd. I tried my best to. but I kind of failed I suppose. Dad wanted me to turn off e com at 12. so left me with no choice. I can’t defy him rite? after so many times when I said “give me 10 more mins”. Tmr pe u look at my back when im changing den u’ll understand la. even then, I din get to help u much. I’m not worthy to be your friend. not tt u din know ur flaws. u knew. Or how else did u come up with ur nick? Wdv. Im not sayin anth. cos I know im not perfect either. My attitude sux at times, esp when I get pissed. n im not who u see me as. I even lack moral courage sometimes, though I’ve stood up many a time in my life for justice. I’m a living contradiction I guess. A taoed me for the whole of this morning. Flag raising also. Must have been such an idiot and pissed him off. I feel damn sad. u were once my best friend. can’t u be the same again? din go for recess, chionged philo essay during recess, and chi summary, A jus left me la. I jus sat alone la, damn sad, tht I lost a gd friend. den aft sch it wasn’t tt bad, A was back to normal. But maybe he’s jus acting la. he’s prolly still pissed with me. if u’re pissed at me, jus pull me aside and tell me straight ok? think tt way its bttr la. B l8er also pissed at me cos he tht tt I photocopied his essay. Scolded me over sms. Say he wun lend me anth anymore. Tt moment I tht I had lost another friend again. l8er fixed the misunderstanding la. but I dunno if he’s still suspecting me and pissed at me. maybe this line is quite useful here. Said by yama no raidon. “I would rather die than betray my friends.” (yes, he’s not a famous person, and yes, he is still alive today.) stayed up l8 till 1230 last nite to chiong ss proposal. Told A that if I ever slept without sending him e proposal, den I’m not worthy of his friendship. I did in the end. Sent, but din do it exactly that well. That was the l8est I’ve ever used the com in my entire life. and cos of that, I have another 450 pages left to write as punishment. Left sch with friends, and A. went J8 slack awhile. Made me remember the old days where me n A would go 2 slack and pass time aft sch, when I would walk home with him.
I just sat in the train and held my head and cried. I dunno whether u r still my friend now, but A, if this answers ur qn, if I have ever treated u as a friend b4, my answer is simple. “yes, I always have treated u as my best friend, and always, caring for you just that u din notice. And u din bother, cos u jus din c that dere was this guy who cared 4 u as if u were his blood brother, and sacrificed so much for u. but u couldn’t see it.” A, lets be friends again ok? im sry if I’ve done u wrong. But pls tell me where I went wrong. Sometimes all of us have limitations. I have my parents as my boundaries. What can I do abt it? nth. Pls. pls. pls. try to understand can. I bet if u were me u wouldn’t stay up if u had to copy 500 times a list of stuffs and then for the time I tried to spend with u, I get taoed the next day, and I lose this friendship that we’ve held on to for so long. Why is it such that the bonds of friendship are so fragile?
Maybe 15 yrs l8er when I unite the world I’ll bring all good friends happiness and joy and no worries in the world, with true friendship that holds no boundaries. Lets be friends again shall we? dun leave me alone. i dunno y im crying again.
slashed at 10:57 PM .
ee.. so lonely tdy. hmph. When u come u attitude me den I get mad at u. u dun come den I very lonely. Sheesh. y u liddat one.. half of tdy spent weighing the pros and cons of u not comin 2 sch.. =P lol! c la.. all bcos of tt I couldn’t concentrate tt much, maths test kena screwed la. haiz.. geog wasn’t any bttr too.. =( haiz.. last time screwed up tests still got u 2 comfort me. now all u do is jus laugh at me when I screw up. n say how u owned me. n then when I score bttr den u, u say I suan u. I actually feel quite hurt when u keep sayin “walao damn pro lor! suan lor!” I dun lk 2 compare myself with other ppls. In fact I hate comparison. Comparison breeds contempt. Tt’s all I can say la. y u always 1 2 compare with me 1.. can’t we jus dun compete n b frenz? Now when I hav probs I dunno hu to turn to. cos u’re no longer there as my close fren, he who sings my song when I forget the lyrics. Haiz.. decided to put this post as wingdings in case u ever come n c this. let this b just another hidden page in my diary. Seems lk I can’t bring myself to hate u for all that u did to me. n some how I dunno y I still care for u. wdv la. take care anw.. least that dere’s someone hu cares 4 u, jus tt u dun realize it, or wun ever realize it at all la..
slashed at 10:46 PM .
