Met my very/extremely/incredibly close friend after sch today.. hahax.. miss you.. thanks for the present my dear.. hahax.. now i got 1 panda bear, 1 toufu, 1 christmas bear, and 1 24th January bear! YAY.. (ok, this sounds childish.. nvm..) =) heys, u know what? you're my hp wallpaper now.. =D and you might become one of the reasons i'll choose to stay in singapore for my uni years.. yea.. NUS is not bad. I wanted to go overseas just for the experience and fun of being away from home and all.. but i guess there are some things we can't let go.. and if i search my heart, i might find you there, telling me not to go.. oh wells, and another reason is that i'll miss my family, and i can't take care my myself overseas.. i can't cope with my studies on my own, (especially since i'll choose a good uni which obviously will have a challenging curriculum,) and i don't have friends who can work with me there overseas(like dear simjoo and victor in my study group now..), since i know no one.. so yea.. bad points about an overseas uni.. i feel safer here too.. no killings.. i dun wanna die so early can.. still got a long way ahead of me.. to come back with a good degree and help people in my society, maybe as a judge? public prosecutor? hahax.. God has given me this enlightenment, and such a good friend by my side to see me through.. Dear God, can she stay by my side to see me through my life forever? please say yes.. =) guess i've finally found someone who is willing to accept me as who i am.. someone who can see my strenghts, someone who can advise me when i'm lost.. someone who was there for me when i was down.. I know i can trust you. and you know more about me than anyone else, including my parents. ;) i'm afraid to lose you, but i know somehow, i'll always be there for you when you need me.. take care, darling. slashed at 9:23 PM .
Tuesday, February 24, 2009 .
i'm dead tired.. like serious.. omg.. it's lk 11 and i'm going to slp now.. gdnite world.. just decided to blog this cos actually i forgot sb in the last post.. my dear flowerpot S.. hahax..
err.. wad should i say.. we met kinda randomly(yea, i still remember me dropping a calculator in the library.. and you picking it up for me n holding the door open.. and me asking you if u happened to be going for writers' guild, cos we were walking in e same direction silently.. HAHA..), yea, we kinda hit off pretty well.. you're a nice person to chat with.. ok, u look lk my carnations flowerpot last year.. gave her a watch 4 her b'dae n she din give me anth this yr.. so tt's it.. i take it that the "unique friendship"'s over. yups. hmm.. maybe it's the apple cinnamon fisherman's friend in the library that day that i'll remember you by.. you stole a part of me that day i guess.. when you leaned close to me as we read corny stories on your iphone.. hahax.. haiz.. but it's A's this year yea.. can't flowerpot le.. after A's ba.. we'll stay as close friends for now k? =)
going to sleep now.. dead tired.. gosh.. slashed at 10:53 PM .
Monday, February 23, 2009 .
I’ve this tendency to remember people based on objects.. not counting the presents for my birthdays, just random objects.. HAHA.. lets see.. funny thing that I remember the RI design block when I hear 晴天.. so I decided to try..
Victor: Jay Chou, hp MVs, Jay Chou’s简单爱 (maybe cos we were playing 4 it in a small group n he tried to let me in even though I couldn’t play the song well, n I can’t sight read), Project rooms of the raja block (we used to sing there every morning), RI Guitar Room, Guitar Camp Classroom at night (we chatted there till 1am in the morning.. LOL..), Catholic.
Practical, Realistic, Goals-oriented.
Simjoo: Faber Drive’s Tongue-tied (maybe cos I liked ur voice ba.. n the way u sang it..), Less-sensitive person, blur, God, Christian, Doughnut (yes, I remember someone chasing me around the canteen tables wanting to step on my shoes cos I said that doughnuts will make u fat.. HAHA..), Canister burns (tries a tough appearance with a soft heart and gets hurt n breaks other ppls heart.), Guitar pick. Kind, pure soul, Believer that all humans are good.
Dreamer, Idealist, God-oriented.
Hmm.. what can I say about myself? sad truth is, I don’t really know myself yea.. HAHA.. yea.. I’m too bz with the rush to ask myself who I am.. sounds like a really silly question. But well, I know my heart a little.
I’m a dreamer, realistic, Faith-oriented, and quite disoriented. I don’t even know what I wanna be, or what course I wanna take in uni.. But for one thing, I don’t believe in myself that much, I believe in others, and kinda put my expectations onto them.. here’s my flaw.
slashed at 11:56 PM .
Just finished maths test on P&C and Vectors.. quite ok ba.. I guess I only dunno how to do 2 qns.. the weird vectors thingy which so clearly is foot of perpendicular but not allowing us to use the foot of perpendicular rule.. and the P&C last part i suddenly forgot how to do.. great. --__-- this is weird.. kk.. I don’t know why I’m blogging when I’m supposed to be doing my econs revision now.. for tmr’s essay test.. yes vic, go ahead and laugh at my poor self discipline.. but I’m having quite a bad brain freeze now n nth I read gets into my head.. v good.. I am of the win. GDP is the dunno wad value of all final goods and services produced in the country during a specified time period.. or sth liddat.. den GNP includes net property income from abroad.. hmm.. I rmb only these 2.. die le la.. I forgot all abt the rest.. --__--“ I’m so dead la..
yanwei was telling me that maybe sometime I push myself too hard.. was worried that I might burn out.. haiz.. dun worry ba.. I wun.. I’ll take care.. it’s just a few headaches now and then.. n tiredness.. but it’ll go away.. =) thanks for your concern! =D haiz.. sometimes we stop and think why we’re pushing ourselves so hard.. vic does it cos he wants to push his limits to prove himself.. to dunno who I also dunno.. juncun does it cos he wants to be an engineer n get a scholarship to study n make money.. serene, zhiwei, do it cos they have to.. yanwei does it cos he is forced to so he can maintain his grades.. what do I do it for?
This is an answer to someone out there who might be asking himself/herself the same question. Here’s my answer. God has a plan for all of us. He decided that we would be here, enjoying education in a first class college while the other souls our age don’t get a chance to.. they grow up in Africa, India, and many other 3rd world countries, dreaming each day about going to school, and dreaming about what they can do when they grow up.. how they can help others, n here we are dissing professions like teaching, caring only for our selfish beliefs.. is this how we appreciate the gift God as given to us? And here we are thinking that if only we could abandon this paper chase and choose escapism, to lead a free and easy life somewhere in the countryside, we’d be happy? But, is that the path God has chosen for us? The fact that we’re here receiving this education does say something about God’s will. He wants us to strive to become better people, useful people to help society, and the disadvantaged. It’s not going to be easy, but he wants us to learn resilience. Don’t give up, for God will guide us through. Though he will never abandon us, he will feel much disappointment if we do not carry out his plans he has laid out for us. Let’s work hard together, to become better people, useful to society, and with the capacity and capability to lend a hand to the disadvantaged. I will make the best use of the gift he has given me. And fulfill his wish. Will you?
slashed at 11:28 PM .
Wednesday, February 18, 2009 .
You are trapped in a room with nothing but a table .. NOT even a window !! And the nearest help you can get is a town 50km away .. how are you gonna get out??
Rub your hands till they are saw .. saw the table into half .. 2 halves will make a whole(hole), climb out of the hole and shout til your voice is horse, ride the horse to the town .. EASY slashed at 11:47 PM .
Tuesday, February 17, 2009 .
I'm not sure what to say, not sure what to do. can i just continue to be myself? please? my head's spinning.. i'm falling asleep and there's a phy test tmr. gd job. i can go kill myself.
found this on my ex-chem teacher's facebook post: 內在想法
anw, to my dear godsis, i din plan to keep whatever u have heard from u yea.. just tht of telling u little by little, maybe when time comes, n when time permits.. yea.. it's perfectly fine for you to know, but not for others with the capability of causing damage to anyone around me. and i won't let that happen. now that you know, you might be in quite a lot of unnecessary danger if some idiot comes by and decides that he'll find someone easy to use as a tool or a threat. and the last thing i want is it for it to happen because of me.
to my ex-good-friend, u better know what's best for you. this is not a threat. it's a warning. and you know perfectly well who i am. the dormant resources meant to protect may very well be used against those who threaten the safety of innocent individuals. i don't think we need to go into those extremes. i still value our current relationship as mere ex-classmates, and once best friends. may God guide you.
i remember my mum telling me not to trust anyone, about who i am, about what i do, about how i feel. i was taught as a child to keep these thoughts to myself all the time. i should have. cos the world out there is not for kind souls like us. we'll wither in the mad rush, die in the power struggles, and be slaughtered in the money chase. but i just had to find another soul to share my thoughts. and it did feel so much better. i gave in too much. i believed in the austerity of human nature, and that all men were taught and brought up as i was, to be gentle and kind, firm and strong, to hold on to our moral code, and to do what's right. but i was wrong. the world isn't like that. i just had to find it out for myself. and if i'm in deep shit cos of my misplaced belief in human trust, and its hurting my family, i'll put a stop to whatever problems that i hatched 3 years ago, by myself. sounds really like the maker of the walking zombie trying to kill his creation. wdv. it's frustrating. anw, whoever who isn't afraid to know more about who i am, ask me personally ba.. i'll tell you if you promise to keep it a secret. it's better than you getting info from an shithole who'll probably weave some stories to his advantage. cos that's all he does right? from then till now. hasn't changed one bit.
one thing a hate about myself, is not being able to spot good souls with 100% accuracy. need improvement in that aspect.. but i'm glad i have simjoo n victor by my side if i ever need to fall back upon anything. thanks yea.. friends come and go. but brothers and sisters last forever. love you both lots..
i got this feeling. one day, my life is gonna be a famous novel. too bad i don't have the habit of keeping a diary. hahax. slashed at 10:11 PM .
Sunday, February 15, 2009 .
slashed at 10:17 AM .
Friday, February 13, 2009 .
happy early v'dae to everyone! =) hahax.. thanks zhiwei for the chocs! and my girl classmates for the my free lunch.. HAHA.. every year i get free lunch on just purely chocs.. =D yea, e toblerone dark chocs were nice.. n e hershley's dark chocs were nice too.. basically dark chocs r nice. period. =) hahax.. my sis bought me a cute bear for my b'dae! woots! hahax.. my natural sis.. not my godsis.. lol.. yay.. got a new "sleep companion" le.. i got a toufu too.. from a v close friend.. thanks! =D =D hahax.. din see simjoo tdy leh.. if not would have asked 4 my prezzie.. hahax.. become v'dae present liaox la! LOL.. hmm.. i just realised tt in singapore, e culture is tt it's not an obligation to give a close friend a present for his or her b'dae.. hahax.. it's rude in japan though.. cos not giving sb a b'dae present means tt he or she isn't important in a person's life.. hehe.. din know till my friend told me tdy randomly.. lol.. hmm..
tdy sat in e canteen looking at C walk by.. i dun hav tt feel anymore.. it's lk it's over and gone.. I got a new flowerpot called S.. in wg.. hahax.. shall not mention who.. lol.. looks lk my ex-flowerpot J.. =P
oh man.. i need to concentrate on my studies.. seriously.. slashed at 10:57 PM .
Wednesday, February 11, 2009 .
received chocs from zhiwei for my b'dae prezzie! hahax.. thanks yea.. =) hmm.. me still waiting for simjoo's present.. still so long haven't give yet.. =( v anxious can.. hurry gimme la.. hahax.. =P =P =D v bz these days.. n i really hope tt my study group doesn't disintergrate.. yea.. was hard holding it together alone.. please dun give up on the group yea.. we can make it towards our goals! we can achieve as a team.. and don't give up on me.. slashed at 9:10 PM .
Friday, February 06, 2009 .
"To hope is to risk pain. To expect is to risk disappointment. To care is to risk being ignored in return." ----- The Rising Power
that was a random thought i had on the bus after take 5. yea.. i will shut myself off from the external world again. wanna know about me then go ask my close friends ba.. cos i need some space for my studies le..
hmm.. me waiting for simjoo's present.. hahax.. sounds interesting leh! hehe.. thanks sis, you're the best. =D slashed at 10:30 PM .
I've cut off some of which has got to do with my rose flowerpot.. but i must admit that all which i have gained from her energy source is starting to wane away. giving power to a noob to become pro. so my shooting kinda sucks if i don't have the same feel like before.. but that's history le.. i dun really care much about my shooting for the time being. especially when my studies are quite suck. must jiayou. go for it. studies should come first, cos ultimately, when applying for uni, grades count the most. 50% of RJ students get straight As. i'm getting Cs and Es. wth.. i dun wanna be the other 50%! gotta buck up sia. slashed at 10:29 PM .
Thursday, February 05, 2009 .
If I can walk away today, I can walk away again. I just have to make sure I don’t look into your eyes, or else I’ll just gg. LOL.. yess.. success in avoiding freezing of mental faculties.. hahax.. yay.. I dun owe simjoo more than 4 cents. =) hehe.. it’s a secret bet. dun ask. I just realized if I dun look at the eye of the rose, it’s much easier to avoid getting pricked by its thorns.
Rule Number 21: Don’t fall in love with someone of the same age as you.
I’ve followed Rules 1 to 20 for the past 1 month, and it seems to be yielding quite good results. My chem is improving! YAY.. hahax.. I can’t afford to adulterate my education with affairs of the heart. especially when there are people behind me supporting me.. thank you.
slashed at 10:38 PM .
Sunday, February 01, 2009 .
"To be able to receive education is a blessing and a gift. Don't let affairs of the heart adulterate it." ----- The Rising Power.
i've woken up. its time to embrace what God has given us. the opportunity for education. people in other countries don't have this privilege. and here i am, wasting away this chance for further education. i'm not appreciating what's been given to be upon my birth here. what if i was born somewhere else? in some rural village with no opportunity to improve myself and stay in the lower caste for the rest of my life? when we complain that life sux, think about what would have been the case if we were to be born somewhere else? life would really suck then. guess we all have to learn to appreciate life. be happy that we're all here given the chance to learn. god has given me the chance to live a life with the capacity to make the world a better place. and i guess i will take this chance he has given me. from now on, no emotions shall cloud my heart. a man of platonic relationships. a fighting machine. to seek no less than the best. no longer shall i like anyone. it's like a light of enlightenment i saw tdy.. i've woken up. i shall take this chance god has given me. and use it to become a better person to help society, and the world. and not let my emotions and affairs get the better of me. they are nothing but history from now onwards.
i remember feeling this way when i was in primary school.. in p1.. p2.. p3.. p4.. i realised what friendship meant in p5, become quite attached to this friend of mine, that's when i lost this feeling to become nothing but the best i can be. i scored 298/300 in p1. let's see it repeat itself again. i've got that feeling back again.. it's just me and the books, and a sharp sword that kills all that stands in its way. slashed at 6:58 PM .
