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    Thursday, March 19, 2009 .

    I need to freeze my heart. like now. seriously.. if i see you every time i close my eyes, then i can't focus on my work when i open them again.. gah.. wad's wrong with me. oh well.. at least this yr i dun have tt recurring dream lk last yr n e yr b4.. hahax.. so tt's a gd thing.. i need to think up emo thts to freeze my heart again.. but not letting them spiral into anger is another thing.. cos i can concentrate even less when i'm pissed.. tt's one whole challenge man.. you know what, i actually don't really know what to say now.. dad always told me to do what's right, judging by reason and conscience, and never by emotions. i've always done that. i could do that years ago. but why not now? sry dad, i've failed to retain my frozen heart.. alright, one effective way to freeze a heart, think up harsh realities.

    "Death will come to us successfully, no matter how we try to evade it. Resistance makes the pain last longer." ----- The Rising Power

    "He who gives must appreciate the possibility of not receiving anything in return." ----- The Rising Power

    "There's no certainty in a relationship. Realize, that every tower built has the possibility of crashing down. The taller it is, the more painful." ----- The Rising Power

    Moral of the story - "Never build your towers too high." ok, emo harsh realities quotes.. here's the catch, you know these harsh realities are true, yet you just wanna go on with what you do. you engage in self delusion, that some things just won't happen, but they do in the end, as they always will, and have done. and then we come crying. we feel sad. disappointment. we feel weak. but weakness is something that we cannot have in us. it should not exist. for the sake of our people, we must be strong. hence, we should not feel. we should understand that life is just like a passing shadow, here and gone. that all man are expendable. we all will perish one day. including you and I. but for me, i don't know why i can't bring myself to govern my head with reason and void myself of emotion. reason does not have the power to hurt you. it can't when you subscribe to it fully. though by doing that i can free myself from pain brought about by emotions, i don't know why i'm not. i should learn. slowly. meanwhile, let me be ignorant, childish, free-spirited, to laugh and love, to cry and feel hurt. guess one day i'll learn from my mistakes. and recount the many times i willingly chose to get hurt when i was young.. and tell my children not to follow in my footsteps.. and the cycle continues yea.. hahax.. god makes a mockery of man.. but man's free will makes a mockery of himself.

    hope i can freeze successfully for the next few days.. i like your smile, and the way you lie close to me.. but I'll forget these, for now.. hahax.. only for now maybe.. since currently, it's of great importance that i forget. and FOCUS. care to go out on friday? can chill out since it's e last day of exams.. =) how should i say it? i miss you.

    [Status: Heart 60% frozen]

    slashed at 1:14 PM .