Just a recount.. cos my dear close friend asked me last night abt this.. all right I promised you to post it. so here it is.
I’ve almost died 3 times. If it wasn’t for god’s intervention, maybe I would have. 3 times is a lot. These are true accounts. Believe it or not.
in k2, I wanted to know if electricity passed through all phone sockets when the phone rings, or just the socket where the phone is attached to. I smartly put my finger into another socket that had nothing plugged in. when the phone rang, I burnt my finger, and a shock coursed through my body. I was in shock for the next minute or so. Well, I survived. =)
in p2, I took swimming lessons. I was learning to paddle at the edge with a whole row of other kids. I thought I would be able to hold myself with my arms, and paddle to touch the cold water, you know, like doing dips, but I slipped and went into the water, not knowing how to swim. And so I flailed my arms about in the water.. hoping to get my mum’s attention cos my coach was at the other end away from me.. but my mum was talking to another lady and didn’t see me. I tried to struggle to the edge, but yea, I didn’t know how to swim then, and it was the deep end of the pool.. well done.. I thought I was going to pass out.. was really scared for the first time in my life. but somehow I felt I could breathe underwater. It was controlled breathing. Slow, with little air entering my lungs. But I could breathe. Slow, little air exchange, but I somehow could breathe underwater.. went like this for 4, 5 breaths, before my instructor realized and brought me up.. blew up a lot of water from my nose after that.. really painful.. and I lived again.
in p4, I had a fever of 42 degrees, lasted a week, kept vomiting everything I ate. Almost admitted to hospital. Accompanied with an excruciating headache, and my room felt as if I was in a spinning top.. well, on the last night, I was wrapped in a blanket wearing long sleeves and long pants.. and I started perspiring really bad. The next day, I woke up and I was cured. I felt perfectly fine and I could walk and run.
And so, my dear friend, this is the reason why I believe there is a god, whether or not your impression of him is a good one or not, my god is a good god. God doesn’t need you to believe in the interpretations of his words by his followers, but he wants you to believe in him. He may not exist, but the spirit of god stands for all that is good, all that is miraculous and unexplained good, the reason why we don’t start killing each other now, but live in harmony. God is an epitome of all that is good. He exists because people believe in his existence. And it’s not possible for him to die, least all man cease to believe in him, including all his followers. Which is not possible, since all man seek good and peace, and he is an embodiment of these.
My dear friend, if you must believe, god made us in his image. And we all have some of god in us. He let me live for a reason. But I don’t know what it is. Don’t worry, I’ll stay alive just to fulfill it. maybe it’s his way of not letting me know so that I’ll live on for him. Dear god, I’ve never prayed frequently to you, always seeking your help only in times of my need, but I’ve lived by the good that you’ve shown to me, and I’ll share it among all around me, to let them see the path you’ve always wanted them to take. I’ve not been a good child, I’ve fought, I’ve almost killed, I’ve hurt a lot of people that could have been reformed by you. I’ve never learnt to forgive and forget. That’s why I’m not good enough to believe in you. I’m tainted, like the chaotic angel of balance that you threw down from the heavens. I’m not good enough to believe in you. I’ve never learnt how to trust. I’ve never believed in the kindness of human nature cos it’s so hard to see it. and yes, I’ve never tried to see it, cos it’s so hard to in the place where I’m in.
hey darling, you mum’s a shot over the board. Maybe people like her will become angels, but it doesn’t mean that people like you won’t. believe in yourself, you’re god’s creation too.. you’re here for a purpose, don’t shun away from it. I’ll be with you all the way, cos I guess that’s what god wants me to do. To guide lost souls to a less darkened path. I don’t believe in God the way your mum does, or the way my godbro and godsis do.. I’ve never sang his praise daily, or weekly for that matter. “power of your love” sounded nice and was meaningful, so I made a solo out of it. I didn’t make it just cos I wanted to praise god, I just thought that god loved everyone, and it was a lovely song, so I did it. a solo piece that would soothe the hearts of most people. A piece dedicated to god. But not done because of him.
take care dear, don’t stress yourself over these things. Even if her interpretation is true, I’ll burn in hell with you. but god won’t let that happen, will he? I’m a bad guy, but he still cares about me.. he still saved me.. maybe he won’t if I continue to endanger my life. Maybe god will get my blood to kill me before I can contaminate my karma too much that I can’t rise to heaven.. Hahax.. He’s watching over us, over me as I type this to you. But he’s not telling me anything. Nothing on whether what I’m typing is right or wrong. but for one thing, though I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, I know that it’s a truth I’m typing, and not a lie. Haven’t told a lie in 2 years, if you don’t count cover-ups and jokes. I know he’s watching over me, and he’ll catch my hand if I fall to hell. Don’t worry, cos I’ll catch yours.
Going back to my mugging now.. tmr’s GP test.. and the whole week of tests.. god, guide me through will you? =) sweet peace dear.
slashed at 2:21 PM .
