gah.. i don't know what's happening to me.. i just seem so lost.. i need sleep. i'm so scared of myself. i don't know why i suddenly flare up for nothing. i don't know why bad memories start coming back to me, pouring through my head. i suddenly feel like i'm losing myself. it's harder and harder each day to keep myself together. to keep myself sane. i'm kinda on the verge of breaking down. and i am thinking that i'm down with catatonia. right. stupid thoughts. i want so sleep early.
i think i'm an empath. i read feelings of people quite accurately, and influence their minds and thoughts. should put it to good use ba. go read up on Gambit. HAHA.. doing econs essay now. but i don't know where to start. i'm so dead.
think i need help. or i need sleep. oh well. ): unhappy with the way things are going. i'm going to finish making my carbonyl notes 2nite/tmr. i want to catch X-Men Origins: Wolverine. but can i?
got this from Cuil Theory:
You ask me for a hamburger. My attempt to reciprocate is cut brutally short as my body experiences a sudden lack of electrons. Across a variety of hidden dimensions you are dismayed. John Lennon hands me an apple, but it slips through my fingers. I am reborn as an ocelot. You disapprove. A crack echoes through the universe in defiance of conventional physics as cosmological background noise shifts from randomness to a perfect A Flat. Children everywhere stop what they are doing and hum along in perfect pitch with the background radiation. Birds fall from the sky as the sun engulfs the earth. You hesitate momentarily before allowing yourself to assume the locus of all knowledge. Entropy crumbles as you peruse the information contained within the universe. A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist. You stumble under the weight of everythingness, Your mouth opens up to cry out, and collapses around your body before blinking you out of the spatial plane. You exist only within the fourth dimension. The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along the ground and collides with a small dog. My head tastes sideways as spacetime is reestablished, you blink back into the corporeal world disoriented, only for me to hand you a hamburger as my body collapses under the strain of reconstitution. The universe has reasserted itself. A particular small dog is fed steak for the rest of its natural life. You die in a freak accident moments later, and you soul works at the returns desk for the Phoenix library. You disapprove. Your disapproval sends ripples through the inter-dimensional void between life and death. A small child begins to cry as he walks toward the stairway where his father stands.
i'm feeling confused now. i want a rest. my left eye hurts. so sorry to anyone if i've unintentionally hurt your feelings these days.. i just simply stop thinking. i forgot the names of my sec4 classmates.. one day, i might just forget myself. and who i am. and the only few things that i might remember are maybe the cures for inflation and the root-mean-squared current or quantum theory. can time stop? because i really need it to. i'll try to hold myself together, at least for as long as i can. before i start to split into my multiple personalities.
i guess it's a side effect of having so many personalities. wearing a differenent mask in front of your parents, teachers, juniors, old friends, trying not to shock them when they understand how much you've changed. yea, because to them, you're always that perfect guy. and you've that image to keep. because you can never show your true person. they're always out there to get hold of your weakness and make use of you.
i don't have a choice, do i? so few pure souls to trust in. and i can find absolutely none in my class. no godsis or godbro.. ): maybe god's testing if i can handle stress in an environment where i stand alone. and dear god, here is your answer. I CANNOT.
slashed at 8:19 PM .
