studied a whole mth and yet still screwed up math. sux la. )': i need tuition. slashed at 6:47 PM .
Monday, June 29, 2009 .
well, econs was relatively fine tdy ba.. hahax.. will pass de. well, just depends on whether will get B or C ba.. C needs 17 17 8.. B, 17 17 11.. which is impossible since i kinda screwed up my last qn ba.. stupid 25 mark qn.. ):
off to mug maths. =) slashed at 2:13 PM .
Thursday, June 25, 2009 .
busy day. i've got quantum 1 and 2 untouched and lasers untouched too. killing myself la. sheesh. and econs requires much needed revision. haven't touched much. ): slashed at 12:32 PM .
Wednesday, June 24, 2009 .
ate KFC tdy. right. psychologically thinking that it's screwing up my insides. i'm left with less than a week and i've got quantum and lasers undone, proteins untouched, and econs unrevised. i'm so screwed. MOE should just extend the hols, and screw wdv the principals say abt their exams and all. having a bad headache now. too bad, i think i'm being selfish, but i wish the cases of H1N1 will increase yea. yea, i'm being a selfish idiot, and not caring about the familes affected. well, it's just 1 selfish thing.
i'm turning evil la. screw RJ. the lectures suck. if a teacher were to teach every topic, and we used lectures to run through tutorials, it would be more effecitive for me ba. yea, maybe it's just cos my mind shuts everything else out when i dun understand why sth is tt way, and i need to clarify my doubts to be able to go on. (which is not possible in lectures, even when the lecturer asks "who doesn't understand?", because ppl who dun understand look around and no one else raises up their hands, and the whole LT is looking at you. so would you still raise your hand even if you din understand?)
wanted to blog abt sth but i forgot. mum's voice is irritating. and i hate ppl who talk about throwing things away. and i hate cleaniness obssessions. mopping e floor excessively when ppl are trying to study is not helping. neither is listening to the radio about the latest share updates when i'm trying to memorise stuff. can never get things done this way. and no matter how you want me to think, i'm stubborn, and i will stick to my way. so just shut up, and stop telling me how to live my life. i hate ppl telling me what to do, especially when i know what i'm doing.
ok, feel less pissed now. J was sweet ba. i said i had a headache but had to finish up my work. so she asked me to go slp. "take care hor. or i'll go there and take care of you." heh. thanks hor.. if really liddat i dun take care le. HEH.
k back to physics. slashed at 7:04 PM .
Sunday, June 21, 2009 .
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ----- Agent Paul Budiansky, The Punisher: War Zone.
and Frank Castle's reply, " I don't mind."
hahax.. nice one. J asked me to go watch.. LOL.. no, i'm not so pro la. and yea, killing is wrong. but no one did say tt whacking up some bad fellas isn't yea? yea, you and ur mum. now ur mum is getting into you isn't it. HEH. (hahax.. dun kill me! =P) but well, i've promised you, and i guess i wun break my promise ba. people grow up, they understand what's dangerous, and they have something precious to hold on to. they have a responsibility towards themselves and others. i've grown up le la. dun worry abt me k? hahax.. gd thing you're back safe ba.. yea, i know how you feel cos i kinda feel it too when you went KL ba.. dun go le la. infested with robbers. ppl get robbed on e causeway wor. hahax..
oh, watched both punisher movies, 1 and 2.. guess in this world, there are some people who do just so many evil deeds and just go unpunished yea. the law can't get them and more ppl get hurt. sad ba. well, it's relatively toned down now in s'pore yea.. you feel safe. =)
well, decided to blog abit cos my brain's kinda fried. we dun judge others by who they are ba.. lk if they're handicapped, if they're less smart, if they're less pretty.. but i guess we judge them by who they really are, and what kind of a heart they have. and their personality. well, i won't mind being judged that way by others yea. hahax.. quoting Frank Castle, "i don't mind."
"Si vis pacem, para bellum - If you want peace, prepare for war." yea, true ba.. if you wanna stay safe, you've gotta prepare for the worst yea. anything that can happen, will happen, it's just a matter of when yea. and when it happens, we'd always hope that we've adequate preparations for it, and we'd have seen it coming to counter it as it arrives. and this is why you should never trust any random ppl yea. ppl dun give a warning when they wanna stab you in the back. and the worst, they stab to kill.
From "The Punisher": in certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue natural justice. This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No, not vengeance. Punishment.
hahax.. who might think tt a movie gives so many insights into life eh? oh well, the arts are a representation of society. to what extent do you agree? =D right.. back to mugging le. 1 more wk. slashed at 2:50 PM .
I believe that the most far-reaching trend of our times is an emerging shift in our shared view of the universe – from thinking of it as dead to experiencing it as alive. In regarding the universe as alive and ourselves as continuously sustained within that aliveness, we see that we are intimately related to everything that exists.
This insight – that we are cousins to everything that exists in a living, continuously regenerated universe – represents a new way of looking at and relating to the world, and overcomes the profound separation that has marked our lives. From the combined wisdom of science and spirituality is emerging an understanding that could provide the perceptual foundation for the diverse people of the world to come together in the shared enterprise of building a sustainable and meaningful future.
Fundamental shifts in perception happen slowly, are subtle, and often seem inconsequential or even go unnoticed by the majority of people living through them. Yet such shifts amount to nothing less than revolutions in our sense of ourselves, our relationships with others, and our view of the universe. Only three times in human experience has our view of reality been so thoroughly transformed.
The first transformation occurred when humanity “awakened” roughly 35,000 years ago. The archeological record shows that the beginnings of a reflective consciousness emerged decisively at this time as numerous developments were occurring in stone tools, burial sites, cave art, and migration patterns. Because we were just awakening to our capacity for “knowing that we know,” we were surrounded by mystery at every turn. Nonetheless, human culture was born in these first glimmerings of personal and shared awareness.
The second time our view of reality and human identity changed dramatically was roughly 10,000 years ago when our ancestors shifted from a nomadic life to a more settled existence in villages and farms.
Mid-way during the agrarian period, roughly 5,000 years ago, we see the rise of city-states and the beginnings of civilization. The third time that our perceptual paradigm transformed was roughly 300 years ago, following the scientific revolution, when the stability of agrarian society gave way to the radical dynamism and materialism of the industrial era. Each time that humanity’s prevailing paradigm has changed, all aspects of life have changed with it, including the work that people do, the ways they live together, how they relate to one another, and how they see their role in society and place in the universe.
We are now living at a time when humanity’s perceptual paradigm is again undergoing one of its rare shifts, and that shift has the potential to dramatically transform life for each of us. A paradigm shift is much more than a change in ideas and how we think. It is a change in our view of reality, identity, social relationships, and human purpose.
A paradigm shift can be felt in the body, mind, and soul. At the heart of the new paradigm is a remarkable idea: Our cosmos is not a fragmented and lifeless machine (as we have believed for centuries) but is instead a unified and living organism. Although it is new for our times, the idea that the universe is alive is an ancient one. More than 2,000 years ago, Plato described the universe as “one Whole of wholes” and “a single Living Creature that encompasses all of the living creatures that are within it.” What is unprecedented is how this notion is being informed today by both modern science and the world’s diverse spiritual traditions (see Note: “The Mother Universe”).
Scientific Evidence of a Living Universe Less than a hundred years ago, when Einstein was developing his theory of relativity, he considered the universe a static, unchanging system no larger than the cloud of stars we now know to be our galaxy.
Today, we know that the universe is expanding rapidly and contains at least a hundred billion galaxies, each with a hundred billion stars, or more. Our cosmos embodies an exquisitely precise design. Researchers have calculated that if the universe had expanded ever so slightly faster or slower than it did (even by as little as a trillionth of a percent), the matter in our cosmos would have either quickly collapsed back into a black hole or spread out so rapidly that it would have evaporated.
It is reasonable to assume that if our cosmos is alive it would exhibit specific properties characteristic of all life – unity, regeneration, freedom, sentience, and a capacity for self-reproduction. These in fact are among the properties of our universe emerging from the frontiers of modern science. The cosmos is a unified system. Physicists once viewed our universe as composed of separate fragments.
Today, however, despite its unimaginably vast size, the universe is increasingly regarded as a single functioning system. Because other galaxies are millions of light years away, they appear so remote in space and time as to be separate from our own. Yet experiments show that things that seem to be separate are actually connected in fundamental ways that transcend the limitations of ordinary space and time. Described as “nonlocality,” this is one of the most stunning insights from quantum physics.
Although scientists working in this domain hold divergent views about the implications of quantum mechanics for our everyday lives, physicist David Bohm says that ultimately we have to understand the entire universe as “a single undivided whole.” Instead of separating the universe into living and nonliving things, Bohm sees animate and inanimate matter as inseparably interwoven with the life-force that is present throughout the universe, and that includes not only matter, but also energy and seemingly empty space. For Bohm, then, even a rock has its unique form of aliveness. Life is dynamically flowing through the fabric of the entire universe.
Our home galaxy – the Milky Way – is a swirling, disk-shaped cloud containing a hundred billion or so stars. It is part of a local group of nineteen galaxies (each with a hundred billion stars), which in turn is part of a larger local supercluster of thousands of galaxies. This supercluster resembles a giant many-petaled flower. Beyond this, astronomers estimate that there are perhaps a hundred billion galaxies in the observable universe. Scientists and spiritual seekers alike ask the question: If this is a unified system, then could all this be but a single cell within a much greater organism?
The cosmos is continuously regenerated. For decades, the dominant cosmology in contemporary physics has held that creation ended with the Big Bang some fourteen billion years ago and that, since then, nothing more has happened than a rearranging of the cosmic furniture.
Because traditional physicists think of creation as a one-time miracle from “nothing,” they regard the contents of the universe – such as trees, rocks, and people – as being constituted from ancient matter. In sum, the dead-universe theory assumes creation occurred billions of years ago, when a massive explosion spewed out lifeless material debris into equally lifeless space and has, by random processes, organized itself into life forms on the remote planet-island called Earth.
In striking contrast, the living-universe theory proposes that the cosmos is completely recreated at each moment, and is maintained, moment by moment, by an unbroken flow-through of energy. Imagine the cosmos as the vortex of a tornado or a whirlpool, as a completely dynamic structure. David Bohm calls the universe an “undivided wholeness in flowing movement.” In this view, our universe has no freestanding material existence of its own. The entire cosmos is being regenerated at each instant in a single symphony of expression that unfolds from the most minute aspects of the subatomic realm to the vast reaches of thousands of billions of galactic systems.
It overwhelms the imagination to consider the size and complexity of our cosmos with its billions of galaxies and trillions of planetary systems, all partaking in a continuous flow of creation. How can it be so vast, so subtle, so precise, and so powerful? “We are not stuff that abides, but patterns that perpetuate themselves; whirlpools of water in an ever-flowing river,” states the mathematician Norbert Wiener.
Physicist Max Born, adds: “We have sought for firm ground and found none. The deeper we penetrate, the more restless becomes the universe; all is rushing about and vibrating in a wild dance.” Physicist Brian Swimme tells us, “The universe emerges out of an all-nourishing abyss not only twelve billion years ago but in every moment.”
The foundation of the cosmos is freedom. Traditional physicists have seen the cosmos as being like a clockwork mechanism locked into predetermined patterns of development. By contrast, the new physics maintains that the cosmos has the freedom and spontaneity to grow in unexpected ways. Uncertainty is so fundamental that quantum physics describes reality in terms of probabilities, not certainties. No one part of the cosmos determines the functioning of the whole; rather, everything seems to be connected with everything else, weaving the cosmos into one vast interacting system.
Everything that exists contributes to the cosmic web of life at each moment, whether it is conscious of its contribution or not. In turn, it is the consistency of interrelations of all the parts of the universe that determines the condition of the whole. We therefore have great freedom to act within the limits established by the larger web of life within which we are immersed.
A living universe is a learning system in which we are free to make mistakes and to change our minds. “Through us, the universe questions itself and tries out various answers on itself in an effort – parallel to our own – to decipher its own being,” writes the philosopher Renee Weber.
Consciousness Is Present Throughout Consciousness, a capacity for feeling or knowing, is basic to life. If the universe is alive, we should therefore find evidence of some form of consciousness operating at every level. Renowned physicist Freeman Dyson writes about consciousness at the quantum level: “Matter in quantum mechanics is not an inert substance but an active agent, constantly making choices between alternative possibilities … appears that mind, as manifested by the capacity to make choices, is to some extent inherent in every electron.” This does not mean that an atom has the same consciousness as a human being, but rather that an atom has a reflective capacity appropriate to its form and function.
Dyson thinks it is reasonable to believe in the existence of a “mental component of the universe,” and that, if so, “then we can say that we are small pieces of God’s mental apparatus.” While it is stunning to consider that every level of the cosmos has some degree of consciousness, that seems no more extraordinary than the widely accepted view among scientists that the cosmos emerged as a pinpoint some twelve billion years ago as a “vacuum fluctuation” – where nothing pushed on nothing to create everything.
The cosmos is able to reproduce itself. A remarkable finding from the new physics is that our cosmos may very well be able to reproduce itself through the functioning of black holes. In his book, In the Beginning: The Birth of the Living Universe, astrophysicist John Gribbin proposes that the bursting out of our universe in the Big Bang may be the time-reversed mirror image of the collapse of a massive object into a black hole.
Many of the black holes that form in our universe, he reasons, may thus represent the seeds of new universes: “Instead of a black hole representing a one-way journey to nowhere, many researchers now believe that it is a one-way journey to somewhere – to a new expanding universe in its own set of dimensions.”
Gribbin’ s dramatic conclusion, reflecting the work of many physicists and cosmologists, is that “our own Universe may have been born in this way out of a black hole in another universe.” He explains it in this way: If one universe exists, then it seems that there must be many – very many, perhaps even an infinite number of universes. Our universe has to be seen as just one component of a vast array of universes, a selfreproducing system connected only by the “tunnels” through spacetime (perhaps better regarded as cosmic umbilical cords) that join a “baby” universe to its “parent.” Gribbin suggests not only that universes are alive, but also that they evolve as other living systems do: “Universes that are ‘successful’ are the ones that leave the most offspring.”
The idea of many universes evolving through time is not new. David Hume noted in 1779 that many prior universes “might have been botched and bungled throughout an eternity ere this system.” In the light of recent scientific findings, our universe is revealing itself to be a profoundly unified system in which the interrelations of all the parts, moment-by-moment, determine the condition of the whole.
Our universe is infused with an immense amount of energy, and is being continuously regenerated in its entirety, while making use of a capacity or consciousness throughout. As an evolving, growing, and learning system, it is natural that freedom exists at the quantum foundations of the universe. It even appears that the universe has the ability to reproduce itself through the mechanism of black holes. When we put all of these properties together, it suggests an even more spacious view of our cosmic system.
Our universe is a living system of elegant design that was born from and is continuously regenerated within an even larger universe. We are living within a “daughter universe” that, for twelve billion years, has been living and growing within the spaciousness of a Mother universe. The Mother Universe may have existed forever, holding countless daughter universes in its grand embrace while they grow and mature through an eternity of time.
slashed at 11:49 AM .
All of our thoughts are conditioned. We all are thinking exactly along the lines we are conditioned to think. Programmed like a computer. Anybody who thinks they are actually choosing of their own free will the line of thinking that they have is completely deluded by their thinking. —Adyashanti
well, i guess it's true yea. we're all conditioned to become who we are. it's nature become nurtured. slashed at 11:45 AM .
Wednesday, June 17, 2009 .
J's left for KL tdy.. will be back on fri evening yea.. haiz.. take care k? don't even know if you'll have a chance to read this post yea, it's so ulu there you won't find many computers.. hahax.. at least not many which will not hang and lag upon opening my blog. kinda worried yea, cos it's not like i can be there when you need me. stay out of danger yea. oh wells.. will miss you alot ba.. i seriously wonder why msging 1 msg and calling 1 min cost the same price of $1.. --__--" hmph. m'sian ppl r just stupid la. dun even make sense at all. gah.
lol.. i used to tell my godsis jiaying tt missed calls would be the next most romantic thing around yea. after conan's trip to mt ophir. HAHA.. well, guess i never understood really how tt would feel, till lk maybe only now. missed calls do send a message unspoken, unheard. you've got to read it with your heart yea. hahax.. i shall make do with the just the "goodnights" and the missed calls in the mornings.. i miss you.
oh, and happy birthday to my godsis zhiwei! =) hahax.. now 18 le.. can go drink, watch M18 movies.. wun need to be the guai church girl.. yea, yanwei will help you with tt, dun worry.. =D oops, dun kill me for the above statement.. HAHA.. hope e post ppls dun lose anth in the mail yea.. LOL.. yea, it prolly will reach by tmr or fri ba.. hahax.. all e best, stay happy always! =) yay. i've a new drinking partner. HEH.
chionging through physics now. (: slashed at 7:45 PM .
at the rate this is going, i can go kill myself. really. i'm so damn slow sia. ggxx la. slashed at 11:27 AM .
Monday, June 15, 2009 .
burnt e last 3 days. oh wells, yea, burnt but spent with family ba.. so wasn't wasted.. =) hahax.. had med checkup tdy. did an ECG. well, i've got all qualified for PES A, hearing, vision, and all.. but medical wise, my blood problem's a minor case now, and guess what, the ECG showed heart irregularities, gotta go to SGH for followup.. great. i din know i had some heart problem? --__-- oh wells, tentatively in PES D now..
HEH. i dunno wad i'm supposed to do ba.. was thinking either combat instructor, sniper.. hahax.. guess they'll put me to clerk ba.. well, guess my cca grades and all + psychometric test will put me somewhere as a clerk officer? heh. dunno ba.. though e guy said v few ppl hav such a chance to slack so much.. LOL.. officer = quite gd rank. clerk = slack. gd rank + slack = yea man.
anw, guess it's god's will ba. in this world, there's a reason for everything. god's telling me not to venture into dangerous waters, and guiding me towards a path that he thinks is better for me. well, so be it then. shan't endanger my life too much.. so god, pls, as long as i dun endanger my life, you'll stop giving me any more problems to deter me from trying out testing stuffs rite? hahax.. hope so ba.. i wanna die peacefully, and not of a heart attack. HEH.
2 more weeks. i need to finish chem, phy, econs, and maths. i'm so dead. so dizzy now. they took an extra test tube of blood to do tests. 3 test tubes in total. gah.. i hate the sight of blood. can't stomach it. and i'm having those images in my head again. the blood red test tubes. haiz.. i wanna slp. slashed at 10:24 PM .
From an email that was forwarded to me. Felt it was quite meaningful.
SHARING WITH YOU A TOUCHING STORY......................
my mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.
There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to Say hello to me.
I was so embarrassed.
How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, 'EEEE, your mom only Has one eye!'
I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I confronted her that day and said, ' If you're only goanna make me a Laughing stock, why don't you just die?'
My mom did not respond... I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to her feelings.
I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I studied real hard , got a chance to go abroad to study. Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own. I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my Mother came to visit me. She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her Grandchildren.
When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at Her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, 'How dare you come to my house and scare my Children!' GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!'
And to this, my mother quietly answered, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have Gotten the wrong address,' And she disappeared out of sight. One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house.
So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.
My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.
'My dearest son, I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and Scared your children. I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were Growing up.
You see........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and Lost your eye. As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you Having to grow up with one eye. So I gave you mine. I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my Place, with that eye.
With all my love to you, Your mother.
Always tell someone that you love them because you never know what day Will be their last, or your own.
Always seek to resolve your problems or disagreements with loved ones Because if either of you should pass on before, the one who is left alive will have the rest of their life to ponder those unresolved feelings but will never find closure. And closure usually brings Peace...
I asked God, 'How do I get best out of life?' God said, 'Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare your future without fear'. slashed at 10:14 PM .
You are creative, perceptive and sympathetic, but sometimes can be moody, emotional and inhibited. You are introvert. You usually do things quietly and intuitively. Your talent will take you away and will make you very successful in life. slashed at 10:56 PM .
Thursday, June 11, 2009 .
random pic. a line of birds crammed on a lamp-post. hahax. unique ba? go infer the meaning. =) slashed at 9:11 PM .
Hi, my name is Tofu.
hahax.. thanks J.. (: in times like this, the only thing that will cool off the heat, i guess, is either you, or sth tt reminds me of you. just can't figure out why ur mum doesn't see the good in you, but i do. take care yea.. wun b seeing you arnd till lk after Nov.
Tofu will help me with my temper and frustration yea. right, Tofu? *nods* miss you. (: slashed at 8:42 PM .
Life’s quirks.. XD
Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML
Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML
And we don’t forget the sad lives around us.. )’:
Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML
Today, my husband was leaving on a long business trip to Germany. As he's leaving, my daughter starts crying. 'Dont leave me with her !' she says. 'Take me with you !' FML slashed at 2:22 PM .
DOTA Quiz: Omniknight: The Man With The Purest Of All Heart. Some Said "His Heart Was So Pure, It Can Destroy All Darkness By His Mere Present. You Walk Your Path, Thinking It Was The Purest And All Evil Won't Harm You. You Held The Greatest Faith Among ALL. Rumor Said " You Are The Reincarnation Of Light".
i've finally gotten sth right. i guess e only way i can study without being distracted by my lethargy and my comp, is if i just focus on what is ahead of me.
from now on, i'm gonna forget about what i wanna be in the future. it's the irony. lol. to forget who you want to be, to not know who you want to be, so as to be who you want to be after you get your grades.
yea, by convincing yourself that your life's goal is just to get the straight As, and nothing matters as long as you get it. to believe that that's all you've been living for. alright. hope i don't burn my mind trying this out. but yea, it works. gd to give it a try yea.. my dear godbro jiale, this is the solution to the problems bugging you from last year. hope it works for you yea.. then maybe when i finally want to remember what i want in life, i'll just have to read this blog again..
gd thing about having a diary is you can always recall who you are. hahax.. (:
just read my godsis jiaying's blog.. ok, i can't be helping you out every time you face some problems in your r/s yea. what if i'm gone one day, then who's gonna help you yea? hahax.. heys, what you need is sth to hold on to, remember? work on that. and fast. thread snaps easily. and not all the time, someone can help you hold on to it. the skill of fishing is worth more than the fish itself. get a hinge and hold on to it. slashed at 12:29 PM .
Wednesday, June 10, 2009 . Meaningful Quotes.
"She's looking for a way to escape from the other side of the looking glass." ----- Alice on Saya, Blood: The Last Vampire.
"There is no fate but what we make ourselves." ----- John Connor, Terminator Salvation.
meaningful quotes that kinda apply to our daily lives. (: slashed at 5:37 PM .
"I am a demon" utters the young girl Saya in a scene before her master Kato who is dying. "No, demons have no soul. You have a soul" responds Kato in his dying breath. "Heaven puts demons on earth to test humans' virtue," thus utters Kato to Saya as he combs her hair for her in an earlier flashback. "If demons are there for us to show our good, why do we then kill them?" asks Saya. "Every man is appointed to his duty by heaven. It is not for us to ask beyond that," as Kato responds concerning the need for Saya to abide by her mission. The idea that one is called to heroism, to martial action against evil even in the darkest hour against all odds, is an idea which has roots in these very ancient and medieval narratives, and which in some way enjoys currency even now.
So evils have to exist, put there by god, to provide the contrast of good against evil. to show the true good in a pure heart. It’s not possible to rid all evil, since god can easily inject evil into another being’s life, for every evil that is slain. To destroy all evils in humans is in itself a race against god.
But with hypnosis, to allow the evil to stay alive, but forgetting his contaminated nature, is a trick that some can use against god. He’ll never know. But maybe that’s what he wants us to think. Because that’s what he wants. Tolerance and acceptance. Not killing the evil, but convincing them to turn to good. Tolerating and accepting their existence, changing them. this is a chess move. God, your turn next. Let’s see how you balance the good and evils again. But know that for every move, there will be people out there who will try to tip the balance towards good again.
Had econs remedial overview on microecons this morning. Ended at 11, tht of either going to the range to visit my juniors or going to amk hub for a movie and lunch. Heh. oh wells.. was thinking and thinking so hard.. guess if I was cap it wouldn’t have been such a hard decision after all ba.. but I’ve to remember that I’m not, and I don’t owe them anth. guess I’m just too used to leading that I’ve forgotten what it means to be a follower. I’ve been in some high seats since lk p1 all e way to lk sec4.. tt’s lk 10 yrs of my life.. hahax.. 10 yrs in either top pupil or vicechair/psl/housecomm/schrepresentative/invitationalspeaker(yea, I was invited to speak about change at the STAR conference in p6.). well, 10 years. And I’ve kinda forgotten how’s it’s like to be selfish, and to be served, and to have a laid back attitude, and to relax and heck care.
All the time, you’re used to teaching your friends who can’t really catch up with their work. All the time, you’re used to actively helping the team achieve their goals. But now, your studies need help, and you don’t really know how to ask for help. You’re not in a leadership post, but you still feel the need to ensure everything flows well. yea, I have a problem. But well, I don’t regret those 10 years of my life. It’s just that I don’t know how the next 10 years of my life will be, that’s all.
Hahax.. OH WELLS. in e end, decided to go for lunch at amk hub, to give myself time to think. (yea, sounds stupid. well, it is.) heh. lol.. met R at amk hub! so went to watch blood: the last vampire. Lol.. some fight scenes really reminded me of those days with them yea. well, I guess for us, it’s 不打不相识 ba? Yea, she is pro. the katana skills are really quite good. quite imba ba.. I still remember the running up wall with the umbrella, and then executing the lunge from the wall.. HAHA.. din know you live arnd amk now.. well, we’re all grown up, no more street fights to protect the bubble tea shop uncle. Heh. all those stupid things we do, the martial arts we learnt and used just cos it was cool like in the movies and tv, all the troubles we gotten into and out. those were the days yea. I’ll see you arnd someday ba.. though it’s a recession period with rampant crimes, I guess I just can’t be the same as before. I’ve my own life to lead. We’ve got A’s this year yea. it’s no more like those days when you don’t study and still score well. we’ve all gotta start studying hard ba.. take care yea.
Ok, gotta start mugging now. Physics. Yea. and Amides. Lol.. slashed at 4:36 PM .
Tuesday, June 09, 2009 .
was just looking at simjoo's blog.. hey sis, you know, i guess it the holidays yea. when we sit down and start to interact with our parents that we're starting to realize how deep the gap is yea. and some things are just hard to convince. they do say that older people are more stubborn ba.. hahax.. hmm. i guess for my case, i'll just have to live with it ba.. lol.. you're not alone. HEH. and i believe there are lk so many other ppl out there who have the same problem ba.. it's just in different extents, that's all.. and in different degrees to different issues.. hahax.. oh well, all e best for your mugging yea! =)
oh, random quote, here's to my godsis jiaying.. "Romance is always sweet. But the sweeter it is, the more bitter the aftertaste. People die from the aftertaste." ----- The Rising Power
no, i'm not an ego freak. i'm just putting it there instead of my name so no one can quote me. HEH. slashed at 10:43 PM .
felt much bttr tdy.. yea, wake up n forget everything kinda works for me. cos i need to know my priorities. and getting angry is a waste of time and wears out your energy. in the end, you're the one at the losing end. so well. shan't do stuffs tt are bad for me yea. HEH.
yea, i finished carboxylic acids le. and some of organic 1. will start on physics tmr, read up on it. i need to revise, and i need time. time. shit. i wasted so much of it le. ggxx la.. no fun. going to sch tmr for crash course on mircoecons. hope it can cut short some of my econs mugging time.
going to slp soon.. gdnite! slashed at 10:34 PM .
Monday, June 08, 2009 .
f*** this. I’m just so bloody sick and tired of all this. I just can’t be like who you want me to be. So shut the f*** up and get lost. Goddamn bloody hell. I can’t be studying from morning till night, and then sleep and study again and again and the f***ing cycle goes on. Sorry. I can’t. you want such a perfect kid, then go get another son. I’m not good enough for you. and I never will be. I don’t give a damn who i’m born to be. Cos I didn’t choose to be who I am. i walk my own path. i know that I’ve been thinking of just myself and myself only when I say this, and in fact there are just so many me’s and I’s in this para that I believe you, but hey, look into the mirror when you say those words, and see if you’re as self centered as I am. or even more? Oh, so trying to control someone’s life and making him live his life the way you want it, isn’t that even more selfish? And just like how you judge objects, by the price and the value, judge me. I’m at least worth a few hundred thousand on the black market. So robbing me of my life seems worthwhile eh? Oh, and you didn’t pay me. Oops, I forgot, you robbed. You don’t have to pay.
I’m just so bloody pissed. you know, the only reason I’d work hard would be so that I’ll be able to afford a good job and move out as soon as possible. Then I can finally see less stress in my life. So much for a happy family. so much for being in a mure refined and cultured family. in the end, i'm guessing that other normal kids have parents way better than you. I’m going to make sure my future kids don’t suffer the same way as I do. At least I’ll make a point to understand them. so there.
freaking pissed la. yea, i guess i'll just sleep it away. forget it. slashed at 10:37 PM .
Sunday, June 07, 2009 .
dad brought back mio tv, watched echelon conspiracy, interactive murders, sniper.. lol.. heh.. thanks dad.. i din get to relax in a long time, damn bloody headache e last few days. (and a worse one tdy, shan't talk abt it le.) yea, i know, 2 days burnt. will finish carboxylic acids by tmr. i swear upon myself. if i dun finish it, errr.. well... i will la! lol.. slashed at 10:58 PM .
was chatting with J tdy. yea, i told you i was busy cos i really was, and it's not tt i don't care k? i do.. and you know yea.. (: take care hor.. dun hurt yourself. it's not worth it. not for her.
yea, ur mum's just such an idiot. well, when parents put their children down continuously time and again, they develop a very low self esteem, and they lose confidence in themselves. well, i'm just sick and tired of helping to clean up the mess all the time. and you know what, all these years, i'm starting to think that i'll just go crazy one day trying to solve all the insurmountable problems of random ppl. ok, you're not random la. you were. but not now. i guess you mean much more to me than just a lost individual who needs my help. yea, here's the irony. it's cos you mean so much to me, that i was willing to solve all your problems, and get more involved in your life. but it seems that the final solution to this problem is not that easy, as it's your mum. and i can't do anth about it. not as if i would care who she was, that is, if you were just another friend of mine. but this? no. i'm just at a loss. i don't know what i can do anymore. i'm really sorry. haiz..
oh, you know what, if anth happens to you, if your mum decides to try anth on you, she's better be ready for the consequences. to tell you the truth, i was just putting a front over the phone just now, cos my dad was in the hall. but well, if she tries anth, she'll change her christian beliefs that hell is underground. yea, cos hell is going to knock on her door. and she'll face it herself.
i'm officially flaming this church and some of it's beliefs. here's why. it destroyed a girl's life, drew two lines over her wrist, whipped her and locked her up in a home against her will. she's not given a mainstream education, and not allowed to further her education at tertiary institutions, cos they're deemed to be against the beliefs of the church. so what?
here's the add. and the screwed up institution. how bad is it? oh, you can't wear makeup, cos god says that makeup doesn't define a person, it's the heart. so you should not wear makeup. similarly, you cannot dress nicely, as it's the heart that counts, so dressing should be very plain. you cannot think that you are pretty, because by doing that you are vain. and god will punish you. your mum must divorce your dad, because your dad drinks, and drinking is not allowed. because drinking means that you escape from reality, and divert from god's teachings, with tendency to commit more sin. but wait, didn't jesus drink too? the famous let the wine be my blood? and you know, you must go to the church, and listen to the pastors who will talk to god. (yeah, talk to god.) and they will tell you whether or not you can go for further studies or not, and if they said that god says no, then you cannot pursue further studies. so you're just left with a not even a PSLE cert. WTF. so no one has heard of the pastors being biased eh? no vested interests, all pure, and preventing people from studying for their future is for their own good. you know what, you just ruined a girl's life. she's smart, she has the potential to do well, save that you denied her the chance. what kind of god do you believe in? yea, there's still quite a lot of people i know who still owe me favors. hell has a place for you. in a conflagration of flames.
Harvester Baptist Church Ltd 4 Eden Grove, 539056, Singapore p: 62822844
just a warning, if you force her off the ledge, i'll force you off the map. i've got enough people to help me with that. don't try me.
i'm leaving the address here in case i lose some of my memory whilst mugging.. lol.. yea, brain space is limited. btw, i'm not against christianity yea. it's perfectly fine, it teaches people well. but carrying it to extremes is just not my cup of tea. if you're an extremist, what differentiates you from those islamic militants who kill innocents for allah? they deserve to be burnt in hell. oh, in case there's no hell, burnt to hell would be a better bet to ensure they are punished for their crimes.
Quote of the day, "Witch doctors should taste their own medicine before forcefully prescribing it onto their patients." --- The Rising Power. slashed at 10:21 PM .
Cascada - Ready For Love
You took a piece of my heart
I never thought that this could fall apart
You said you fell in love
And this was more than I had ever been afraid of
Another life
Another happy ending cuts like knife
Another place, another time
Another hand to touch, another sun to shine
You got me deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded
I'm running around but there's no place to hide
I start to talk in my sleep, our souls have divided
Why can't they forgive me these demons inside
Deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded
My heart starts to shiver for I was letting up
I start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls have divided
How can it be that you're ready for love
Ready for love ...
How can it be that you're ready for love .....
Time will tell
A single day had helped me break this spell
Don't want to be alone
When will I be understood when is my kingdom to come
Another boy, another life
Another happy ending, and I'll be alive
Another place, another time
Another hand to touch, another sun to shine
You got me deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded
I'm running around but there's no place to hide
I start to talk in my sleep, our souls have divided
Why can't they forgive me these demons inside
Deeper than deep and I'm constantly blinded
My heart starts to shiver for I was letting up
I start to talk in my sleep, cause our souls have divided
How can it be that you're ready for love
How can it be that you're ready for love ...
How can it be that you're ready for love ...
slashed at 10:18 PM .
Friday, June 05, 2009 .
from mr sim's blog..
Glance through the lecture notes and text book. (At this stage, I am not worried if I cannot comprehend some of the concepts)
Try out the tutorial questions (preferably when you have some worked solutions)
Read the lecture notes and text book again. (At this stage, you are mentally classifying the topic into the 2-3 concepts involved.
Write your NOTES!
Do the tutorial questions again using your system, fine-tune the system if necessary.
hahax.. just a reminder to myself ba.. in case i forget. well, it's so sad that i only know it now. should have known it in J1, then life would have been so much easier eh?
slashed at 4:17 PM .
haiz.. patched up with mum.. talked to my godsis jiaying and felt a little better.. oh wells. she's still my mum after all. wdv's past is past. but it's never forgive and forget. dear J, at times when i'm feeling lost, our pictures always manage to help my mood. thanks. slashed at 1:42 PM .
in actual fact, i'm just a tool for you to boast about when i get good grades. do you ever even know the meaning of love? all that you can do, a maid can. yea, you've done a lot. as a maid yes, as a mother, no. when was the last time i got a hug from you, p2? i'm tired of you. when was the last time i got a present from you? p1? at least dad still got me earphones, and a memory card. just a small token, but it shows that i matter to him. you know, you should just get out of my life. i think i should just stay in the boarding school during my uni life. at least i have my own room, at least i'll be able to have someplace more like a home. i'm just lost now. i punch the wall again, and you'll disown me eh? this is coming from you. and i'm telling you, even if you're lee kuan yew and you throw my stuff away, i'll still land a punch on somewhere, and hopefully, the next time, not on you. from today, you're no longer my mum. you've never made an effort to understand your children. gdbye, i don't need you. slashed at 10:06 AM .
Thursday, June 04, 2009 .
ranting post. DON’T READ.
And it’s a goddamn f***ed up day. f***ing pissed and I don’t give a shit if you’re thinking I’m just being vulgar. Go kill yourself. Smash your head on some wall. Till the blood trickles. Till the brains spill out. f*** off. I’m damn f***ing pissed. Ok I’m using Microsoft word to type this out, and at the end of the post I’ll just change all the vulgarities into asterisks. Goddamn go to hell. Yea, I smashed a wall. Feel like whacking up some unlucky fella who happens to rob someone. Or maybe I should just take a walk down the street and smash some gang up. f***.. it’s just that it’s too peaceful here. no crimes, no f***ers to f*** up.
Ok, want to know wad happened? Sounds stupid, but yea. it’s true. Ok. this boy comes home from school. And everything seems fine. Then he opens his cupboard to find that his mum has thrown away a few of his pens. Yes. f***ed up. since young he’s already told her not to touch his things. But she just wants to place her f***ing ideals unto him, about having less clutter, doing away with the past, throwing away unnecessary items, should always look into the future. so she has been throwing away his things from his cupboard since lk pri sch. and each time she did tt, he’ll fly into a rage, smash things, destroy a whole bunch of stuffs, and she’ll stop. And then she’ll forget, and the cycle will repeat itself again. once even, he was just in p2, when he stabbed her thigh with a pencil. The lead got stuck in her leg. And it’s still there now. yea, he felt guilty and cried after he realized what he was doing. He vowed never to harm her again, cos she was his mum. but time passes, and she never learns, and she starts to f*** up his life again. after all these years, you still don’t know your son. At a young age, he cried when you burst a balloon, or tore a newspaper. Doesn’t that tell you something about him? not everyone is this world is as materialistic and money minded and practical as you. you’re pragmatic, and you don’t care about feelings, but just happens that your son is, and he’s a good one at that. He can feel for inanimate objects.
Yea, one of those pens, E gave it to him at the bookshop. Said it was nice to use. And ever since then, he’s been using that same model. He’s never changed the model since the start of the year. And you just had to throw that pen away. Yes, he knows there’s no use for it, there’s no ink. But what gives you the right to open his cupboard, look at his private stuff when he’s not at home, and worse still, throw them away? f*** you.
My knuckles are red. Smashed the wall too much. Keep this up and I think I might just go mad one day. All the stress from work to do well, to make you and dad proud, and you come and give me this shit. Goddamn you. f*** off. Get out of my life. I don’t need people to hurt me time and again. not you. why can’t you be like other mums, just leave their children alone, let them do what they want, craft their own niche in life. Seek their own path. stop forcing your children to be like you. I don’t want a simple life. I want a life that’s meaningful. All you care about is money, but ask yourself this, are you truly happy?
I’m just damn pissed. Anger. Hatred. And all sorts of evil thoughts you can think of. Hatred. I hate you. get the f*** out of my life. Thank ms word. It tones down the anger in this post.
Yea, the more you force me to study, the less I feel like studying. Get lost. I could have studied more without you forcing your ideas unto me. Get this straight. I am not you. so f*** off.
slashed at 7:48 PM .
Wednesday, June 03, 2009 .
great.. was supposed to do carboxylic acids and finish by ytd. seems lk it should finish by tdy instead. lol.. oh wolverine was nice, dad brought back e vid ytd. yea, now i know what happened to my time. LOL.. HAHA.. ok, back to work.. gotta finish chem by this week! slashed at 2:45 PM .
Tuesday, June 02, 2009 .
slashed at 3:42 PM .
"Low Maintenance, Sensitive Girl".
Your ideal girlfriend would be a sensitive girl with real emotions, someone who can be self conscious sometimes and has a real conscience when it comes to making a mistake. She's open and honest to you, and you don't care much about looks. as long as she's pretty and she likes you back, you're happy. You'd enjoy having her as a girlfriend, she'd double as a best friend and you could talk to her about anything. You two would share all secrets and she would not expect you to buy her stuff a lot. She'd be your soul mate.
slashed at 3:32 PM .
decided to visit my godsis jiaying's blog just 4 fun.. yea, it's prolly lk e 2nd time only? hahax.. sorry! sch days are bz ma.. lol.. heh.. you talk with so much hidden meaning, it strains my nerves to comprehend them! LOL.. hahax.. anw, you're quite a good writer i must say.. looks nothing lk an online diary to me. well, i guess i can relate much better now, seems like some things just can't be known using character evaluation methods.
oh yea, it's a sweet way of hiding messages yea! check this one out at the bottom.
