went to justine's housewarming tdy! yay.. yea la, whole day slack.. hahax.. but was quite fun ba.. went dhoby at 12, then went for lunch with archery peeps at food junction. had this cool la mian.. pork ribs noodle.. the cool thing isn't the noodle la, it's the way he makes them.. hahax.. he pulls the flour, then slides his finger through, then pulls it again, and repeats, to get 1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32.. yea.. he stopped at 6 pulls, then pulled the whole piece of flour far back, before cutting it to put into the soup. nice la, but it's lk 4:80, so it's a gd thing it's not easily available, else it'll burn my pocket.. hahax..
hmm.. citysquare was quite nice ba.. really like hotel wor.. damn cool! but got quite a lot of caucasians ba.. hahax.. few chinese.. but it's next to a mall, and the view is damn nice.. hahax.. k ba, justine's house is damn nice la. hands down. shan't say more. the door doesn't use lock key system too, uses code.. so you just remember a few codes to get from your house out, and you don't have to fear forgetting to bring your keys.. hahax.. high tech. and there's a bowling alley too! heh.. swimming pool's olympic sized, and yanwei commented it was bigger than the one at his home.. kk, frankly, it's bigger than mine too la.. hahax..
played cards, mahjong, watched howl's moving castle, and district 13. hahax.. kk, both movies make me wanna try learning how to run up walls and bulidings.. HAHA.. yea, looked cool ba.. ran up from 1st to 2nd floor in p1 - p2 back in my old primary sch.. though i don't think i'll try it again without practice. highest record so far is the foot mark on LT6 i made during WG camp.. literally highest. yea, touched the celing with my hand. so yes, it's the HIGHest.. LOL.. :D
oh, i won 1 out of 5 sets of mahjong games i played.. hahax.. tt one with my hand open somemore.. LOL.. owns sia.. cos i'm like a newbie who learnt how to play mahjong like only recently, and that was my 2nd game? so i kinda "hu"ed for the wrong reasons.. and had to keep my my hand back.. then won after even after doing tt.. HAHA.. i learn fast. yea, sry yanwei, dlu, and serene.. hahax.. but yea, only tt once la, not so lucky all the while.. save tt i din lose a single hand of bridge the whole night.. :)
soft elephant stuff toy.. hahax.. random. HEH. yea, kinda thought it was damn cute la.. *hugs* had pizza for dinner ba.. yea, stayed till 8+.. before we decided to go home.. i actually feel quite at home leh.. hahax.. ok, maybe cos the design is quite simple, and similar to most hotels ba.. makes you feel comfy.. :D
hmm.. i actually feel quite bad when people tell me that their parents have broken up. haiz.. but i can't save everyone la.. i know that.. i just feel damn powerless each time i meet someone who tells me about their crisis, and i can't do anth about it.. it's so hard to make everyone happy and live perfect lives huh.. alright, shan't think so much ba.. i must acknowledge that i do have limits, and i can't save everyone i see.. but i can do my best. and that's what matters ba.. i've saved a girl from her mum and her stupid faith.. took a long time, many failed plans, but it worked out.. yea, the rest are confidential, so i shan't post it here.. hahax.. contains a lot of dangerous info that might screw up my reputation.. HEH.. but most importantly, people are leading their happy lives, they become nice people.. and that's what matters most.. the method doesn't matter anymore, when people start enjoying the life they were actually meant to live, and society starts to get better.. no one will ask.. and no one will tell.. :D
yay.. anw, i abstained from alcohol.. HAHA.. had the chance to go get a brezzer, but well, decided not to, since it kills my brain cells a lot.. :) so yay.. i din.. yea, i promise to get some only after As yea.. after i've done my As, then it's fine.. but not now.. as it is, i'm already damn blur la.. can't afford to be worse..
saw priscilla at compass point on my way home.. was damn dark wor.. so decided to see her home.. hahax.. she was out watching a movie with her friends, then met her mum who passed her the keys to go home. great. how responsible. heh.. shan't comment much abt her mum. but yea, saw her home ba.. chatted a bit.. heh.. i know my dress sense shocks people who know me as the guai kid in sch.. so sry.. HAHA.. walking a girl home when it's late is perfectly fine rite? you don't need a reason for tt.. she was quite scared of the dark grass field.. and those fellas in motor helments just give me the chills.. heh.. ex-flowerpot.. should have hugged goodbye..
well.. getting late now.. 11pm.. shall go slp.. been an eventful day ba.. gdnite.. :)
slashed at 10:08 PM .
we may not have the physical abilities, nor may we have been blessed with mental strength.
but all we have, is what our mind can create.
when we close our eyes and concentrate, all that exists ceases to exist.
you are your mind.
you are your creation.
you are what you believe in.
so set yourself to it.
make your own reality.
change your surroundings.
not physically,
but mentally.
only then would you realise that the true strength has never come from an external force.
but from within yourself.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."
a return to love - marianne williamson
slashed at 9:54 PM .
went to ikea for dinner tdy.. hahax.. the salmon was quite nice ba.. delicato chocolate was good too.. hmm.. tmr starting work again.. shall start with math.. another prelim paper ba.. cos tues's justine's housewarming and since vic changed his mind last min, i guess i'm gonna have to stay home tmr.. oops..
dad just reminded me that As are in like 4 weeks.. scary ba.. but true.. just thinking about it makes me wake up my senses la.. so much for taking a break and a rest.. well, works starts again.. shall spend tuesday crazily.. and forget about who i am.. yea, just laugh my heart out, give myself a break from being me.. (:
slashed at 7:53 PM .
Simon and Garfunkel - Sound of Silence
Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.
Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.
yea, a nice song. the meaning is really deep ba.. was playing it on my comp just now, then my mum asked what song it was cos it was her favourite and she used to sing it to me to sleep when i was a baby.. hahax.. yea, kinda cool ba.. maybe it's my subconscious memory.. or the genes that define what's a nice song and what's not.. :) anw, it's really nice ba.. will loop it on my hp till i slp 2nite.. :)
prelims over le! hahax.. yea, time to relax a bit.. shall say that it was quite ok ba.. can't say for sure what sub was really good, but yea, hope for the best ba.. (:
oh btw, some things people don't really like to hear, don't tell them, especially when you know they have fragile hearts.. it's not nice.. so put things in a nice way, and then tell them with choice words that won't damage your relationship k? alright, this is the best piece of advice i can give to relationship fools who reach a breaking point just because of something they said..
hmm.. well, was kinda an eventful day ytd. watched the ugly truth with yanwei, amin, and serene, at AMK hub, before gamer. hahax.. both were quite good ba.. heh.. i don't really recommend gamer for girls ba.. yea, for certain reasons? hahax..
ok, yea, went to owen at turf city for lunch tdy.. mum and dad's treat for earning some cash from stocks on RBS.. hahax.. yea, the food was quite gd, stoned around at hougang mall and had dinner afterwards..
oh, justine invited me for housewarming next week.. and probably a few archery people too.. yay.. something to look forward to.. a slack day.. HEH.. ok. yea, vic was asking if i wanted to go bowling on monday, so i guess if the housewarming isn't on monday, then it's really fine yea! yay me.. 2 outings planned le.. (: shall enjoy myself this week and let loose.. next week then start mugging again.. well, everyone needs a break right? :D
all the best to my godsis zhiwei and jiaying for your promos! :) yea, i'd probably be studying around that time too.. back to the hectic schedule that i'm currently escaping from.. yea, i'm practicing escapism.. learnt 60% from my godsis simjoo, and 40% from my classmate suichuan. the leading lecture ponner.. heh..
shall sleep early 2nite.. gdnite! :)
slashed at 10:30 PM .
an old song that came into my head.. think it was from some chinese serial i watched when i was in p4.. (: heh.
一辈子一场梦
张卫健
别问人生有那几种?
别问爱人会有几个?
环肥燕瘦,秀外慧中,谁适谁合?
功成名就,风清云游,又如何?
大雨淅沥沥淋得我心轻松,喝杯酒,唱首歌.
狂风呼噜噜吹走烦恼忧愁,一辈子,一场梦!
别问人生有那几种?
别问爱人会有几个?
环肥燕瘦,秀外慧中,谁适谁合?
功成名就,风清云游,又如何?
大雨淅沥沥淋得我心轻松,喝杯酒,唱首歌.
狂风呼噜噜吹走烦恼忧愁,一辈子,一场梦!
大雨淅沥沥淋得我心轻松,喝杯酒,唱首歌.
狂风呼噜噜吹走烦恼忧愁,一辈子,一场梦!
quite meaningful ba.. life is all but a dream.. yea, but there's nothing wrong with living a good dream yea? maybe we're all angels given the chance to experience life.. so we're gonna make the best out of it yea.. and try everything.. (: hahax.. yea.. don't be afraid, cos at the end of this dream, we'll just return to heaven.. but we'd be satisfied that we've dreamt a really good dream that we can share with the rest up there.. a really fufilling one.. (:
ok, i'm happy today. not just cos chem was a little better than paper3, but also cos J's mum finally managed to realise her mistakes with her overzealous beliefs in the church.. yay.. seems like my efforts have paid off.. yea, i know i've done a lot for people, some even i don't know really well.. but i'm just happy seeing people happy yea.. it feels warm..
yea, i'm kinda happy. really. this was a tough case i can't solve using my usual hard handed style of solving.. and i had no time cos of my workload.. and exams.. but yea, i'm pleased to have solved a 2.5year old problem.. even longer for J, but yea.. a problem solved is a problem solved.. a girl in this world won't have to have her actions hindered by hypocrites who believe they are messengers of god.. and she won't be denied her further studies cos "god does not permit". this world is a much better place without the shackles of god. if god creates the balance, embodies both good and evil, it doesn't change the fact that he embodies evil.. and all evil has no place in the utopia that we all seek. a utopia governed by honor, spirit, and pure goodwill. where one cares for others and lives for others.. hmm.. i know it'll never exist. not in my lifetime.. but i have faith that it'll be achieved one day.. (:
i know i'm an idiot dreaming about a dream that will never come true. but i'm willing to try. if i can't save everyone, then i can at least save the people around me.
ok, i shall learn mind manipulation.. and increase it's effectiveness. hahax.. then i'd be able to solve problems by just talking to people and saying specific words to get the intended effect.. quite cool wor.. after As ba.. can try out.. or maybe can just try out after prelims.. :) hahax.. anw, i'm happy for you ba.. your life is yours to lead now, and no church is going to tell you what to do.. be yourself, be true, and live strong. (: whatever happens in the future, whether we see each other again, it doesn't really matter, cos i don't ask for anything in return.. just live your life well k? then i'd be more than glad.. hugs you.. :)
random interesting quotes:
"If destruction be our lot we must ourselves be its author and finisher. As a nation of free men we must live through all time, or die by suicide." --- Abraham Lincoln
"Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first and is waiting for it." ---Terry Pratchett.
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --- Abraham Lincoln
Douglas has a Life Path Number of 9
Having a 9 Life Path makes you very compassionate and tolerant towards the world around you. You strive to serve the better good, sometimes at the expense of your own desires. You have the ability to attract people from all walks of life.
saw my ex-flowerpot J tdy.. i don't know, but it doesn't take a reader to know that she's really sinking into some really deep depths.. i made a promise to myself that i'm going to stay out of other people's affairs. but seeing that my efforts do pay off, yea, it does serve as encouragement.. shall have to ma fan my godsis simjoo abt tt ba.. don't know if she would help, but cos i don't really wanna have my hands too full. most importantly, i know my limits, and i'm probably already at my limits now..
alright, chem tmr.. will be going to slp le.. and shall remember to pass my godsis jiaying her present tmr.. :)
gdnite world.. (:
slashed at 11:06 PM .
Senbonzakura (Byakuya Kuchiki) Shikai: In its Shikai, Senbonzakura's blade separates into a thousand slender tiny blade fragments. While the blades are supposedly too small to see normally, they reflect light in such a way as to appear as cherry blossom petals. By swinging Senbonzakura's hilt Byakuya can control the blade fragments at will, allowing him to shred opponents at a distance and break through almost any defense. Bankai (Senbonzakura Kageyoshi): has several forms, achieved by arranging the blades in different patterns. Each form presents a different advantage, such as increasing offense at the expense of defense. They are activated by saying the name of the technique followed by the name of his Bankai (Senbonzakura Kageyoshi).
slashed at 11:06 PM .
their god is one and absolute.
supreme and all knowing.
it is the spirit that created the perfect world.
such a god would never allow evil to disgrace the world that he created.
but evil still exists, corrupting men and tainting the world.
god's world is being desecrated by something that should not exist.
this is how they defined the contradiction.
that even the evil that threatens mankind is a necessary part of the world.
it is something worthy of love.
in this regard, evil is a messenger from heaven.
if what brings out the goodness of men is holy,
it follows that what brings out the malice of men is evil.
they are both angels sent by god.
but.
evil does exist, corrupting men and tainting the earth,
producing gruesome tragedies surpassing human knowledge.
at times, the trials from heaven made people realise how powerless god is.
the inhuman deeds of the evil caused people to desire for miracles from the great god.
consequently, an exception was created.
apostles, humans that carry out the will of god instead of spreading his word.
trials that should be observed.
heresy that should be denied.
people who possess what should not exist, the 8th sacrement.
executors, destroyers of evil devised by the 120 cardinals, were born.
they drive away darkness, purging all things that are not part of god's teachings.
they hunt down that which does not exist in the doctrine,
so they're not bound by the doctrine.
their immorality is forgiven.
there's only one thing they must protect: the great name of god.
for this purpose, they will destroy the evil that god created.
that is the only difference between them and the fake messengers of god.
dad bought me a watch.. hahax.. metallic though.. heh.. quite like it, but since it's ex, i shan't wear it out or to sch.. maybe just for certain occasions ba.. yea, cos my previous one stopped working.. hahax.. i want a watch like light's one in deathnote.. can keep stuffs inside.. quite cool wor.. (:
slashed at 7:12 PM .
there was hell.
there has to be a meaning to why you survived that hell.
there has to be a meaning to why you must keep living.
it's not that you miraculously survived while everyone else died.
it's merely that one person was saved by the sacrifice of everyone else.
you hated that.
to break through reality, all you could do was to become someone who could save anyone.
if you are to deny everything you have done,
the crime will judge you.
slashed at 5:21 PM .
another lesson learnt today.
never take things at face value. even if you trust that it's true, use a tester. yea. cos some things may not necessarily be true but ppl assume it to be so, and we just end up at the brunt of it all. heh.
and vic, i thought you'd changed quite a lot, back to your old self, but seems like the more you mix around with that group of friends, the more you become worse than them.. --__-- ok, you've to learn that sometimes, they dun mean what they say, so don't try to learn, and it's nothing good, so don't emulate it either. u wanna be in the medical profession, then you've gotta learn to care, learn to be your old self. competition with others isn't a trait of a good doctor, cos the lives of the people should come before any of our own desires or goals. maybe sometime later in life, you'll come to realise, that the one true enemy is yourself. the only one hindering your goals is yourself. really. think about it. you putting in 4 hrs of work just because someone puts in 3, doesn't make you better, but you putting in 2, but increasing your own efficiency to max your potential, would be a good way to maximise your efforts. get the point now? it's hard to tell you in person, cos it'll seem really unpleasant, so i guess it's nicer to write it here, and one day after prelims when you come and read this, you'll understand yea.. (:
slashed at 4:17 PM .
Date: December 4 of 2044 at 6:43 pm.
Cause: Alcohol poisoning
Age: 53 years old
heh.. would take a lot of alcohol to poison me since i've got this special blood type.. HAHA.. i must have been really drunk then.. mm.. but well, it's a goal. live past 53, and live longer than 53 to prove this shinigami wrong.. (:
hahax.. ok, math paper was a little better ba. will be looking at a nicer average score.. (: so yups.. i'm glad that RJ teachers still have some kindness in them. or it's just tt the paper is too fixed to make it harder.. hahax.. then that i'll have to thank MOE ba.. :D
alright.. one thing to note. stop being emo.. try to think of more happy things, and stop caring about other people not directly related to you.. stop trying to help everyone and make everyone happy.. just start with yourself first, and make yourself happy.. cos that'll be a much nicer life to lead yea.. a happier life.
mm.. will try. (:
slashed at 2:56 PM .
learnt something today. not new, but yea.. it's important.
never give in to distractions.
heh.
ok, shall wait till 11.11pm to wish my godsis jiaying happy birthday.. (: hahax.. tmr's math prelims so can't slp l8 and wait till 12.. else i'd be a walking zombie tmr.. dun think she'll want tt too.. but yea.. so sry..
koreans have a myth, that when you read the clock and it reads 11.11, it means that someone's thinking of you and wishing you well.. when you read 4.44, it means someone's hating you out there.. HEH.
oh, i'll pass u ur prezzie nxt wk when timetables are back to normal yea? in e morning before school.. pls remind me if i forget.. and happy 17th! :D
slashed at 10:29 PM .
philanthropy. trust. glory. safety.
call of good sense.
acknowledgement of morals.
trial of justice.
some things i've been taught that were befitting of a good person's actions.
heh. ok. randomness.
i don't know how philanthropy and safety is part of being a good person though.. hahax.. cos firstly, you'd need some cash to be a philanthropist, and safety of others should be of a greater concern than your own isn't it?
ok. nvm. old rules should change and move on.
back to mugging now.. (:
slashed at 4:00 PM .
yea, i have sudden flashbacks these days.. back to the time when i was younger.. like 7 or 8.. just that time peroid.. heh.. maybe it's cos it's the same style of mugging i'm adopting now.. but wells.. hahax.. it's gd to know about things i used to yea? (:
we used to have prayers after school. lk 6pm.. still remember i used to be running around school during recess, after school before the evening flag raising.. could cover so many parts of the school really fast cos i knew the shortcuts to the secondary side and where it led to back to school.. yea. our teachers warned us not to cross over, cos MJS sec wasn't exactly a good school nor good influence on us.. heh.. oops. yea, the honor student's not supposed to break rules. not breaking rules means not breaking them in front of prefects or teachers. heh..
dear st louis marie de montfort,
grant me the grace to be a true montfortian.
faithful in my duties at all times,
striving always for the highest standards,
in behaviour, sports, and academic performance.
imbue me with the courage,
to face and overcome,
all difficulties and hardships,
and the wisdom to tell right from wrong.
sustain me in all my endeavours,
that i may uphold the school motto:
age quod ageis
and be true,
and loyal,
to my alma mater,
and my country.
amen.
st louis marie de montfort,
pray for us.
in the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit.
amen.
heh.. hard to imagine that i've recalled exactly word for word.. think i might have unlocked some space in my memory that wasn't used so far.. subconsicous memory.. yea, if it really is subconsicous memory, then remembering what i've learnt so far wouldn't be that much of a problem.. hahax.. (:
kk, back to studying. will post some memories if i ever remember anything suddenly again.. (:
slashed at 3:35 PM .
i suddenly remembered a lot of things i thought i'd forgotten.. heh..
like the old canteen in MJS which no longer exists..
the old canteen gates.. the brown walls.. the metal gates which look like bricks.. yea, they're the outline of the laid out bricks in the pattern as if they were a concrete wall. just the outline of the brick without the brick. heh.
i was in p1 then.. yea, i suddenly remembered a lot of things. just like a bolt through my brain. all these years, all which were forgotten comes back.. just some ba.. the really old ones.. i don't know if it's anything that's got to do my style of remembering things.. heh.. yea, i forget the unnecessary stuffs to keep my brain memory space available till something comes by that makes me recall these memories. maybe it's the style of studying i'm adopting, or that the RI library tables were made of really nice material and the atmosphere was nice there to let me recall so much..
yea. i kinda recall my eng math science teacher.. mr tang mun choon.. heh.. even the full name. hahax.. yea, back then, subjects used to be taught together ba.. form teacher teaches almost everything besides chinese.. chi teacher was mdm chee lai meng.. hahax.. still remember my best friend lim jia le.. ok, i don't know wad's wrong with me, but ppl around me usually get hurt.. and i end up having to help them out.. he hurt his head on the desk n it bled.. was damn pissed with tt guy.. was it desmond or don i forgot.. i just ended up fighting with him and getting scolded after that.. heh.. yea. i think i was 7 or 8 then.. tests were so easy too.. 298/300 was a nice result to get.. for like recurring years.. hahax.. no more like that in p4 onwards le..
i remember that teeth were split into 6 parts and had 24 parts to brush..
hahax.. ok, so much for old memories.
better write it here in case i forget them one day.
prelims halfway through. not v approving but i'm trying my best..
oh, i've convinced my parents to let me stay out till the next day after grad night!
yay.. hahax.. ok, shall pull a friend along to stay out till the next morning..
yea, prolly a girl, then we can go watch the sunrise tgt.. hahax.. just as friends la.. cos it'll be weird with a guy wouldn't it? haha..
slashed at 7:04 PM .
those who aim farther for others' sake.
those who think of others before themselves.
and those who hate themselves more than anyone.
- from FSN.
slashed at 11:16 PM .
and i remember that there used to be a time when prelims were meant to model the A Levels, and not a competition between schools of who can create a more difficult paper.
slashed at 9:33 PM .
slashed at 9:13 PM .
this is just a theory.
the universe is a fixed system.
and there is a force that sustains this system.
people come to call that force, god.
yes, that sustaining force is all around us.
because without the sustaining force,
the system will perish.
we are but energies in the system.
without that force,
we will perish.
but every action we commit puts a strain on the system.
and it will act to counteract that change.
that force acts like a check on the system.
it acts like a balance.
such that nothing can be created
without something of equal value being used as an exchange.
peace in exchange for a life.
how is that a bargain with god?
slashed at 4:24 PM .
just read my godsis simjoo's blog. heh.. yea, i know i should be studying. 2 days more. quite liked this line,
"人生中根本没有输赢，没有做对或做错，只有要对得起自己的原则。" ----- simjoo
yea, life's just like that. actually, i kinda agree with everything you said. almost everything. but, 生命是由我们控制的。don't leave things up to god. if you want something, you have to go for it. and put your life on the line. just like you said, we won't regret it later on, because we took that chance that was given to us, and poured our efforts into it. the results don't matter afterwards, for we know that we have done our utmost to our ability.
the only miracles are the ones we create ourselves. some have the power, some have the strength, but who has the will? a miracle means sacrifice.
fairy tale stories don't exist, and what we can control is only the present.
someone once told me about the 8 steps to archery.
ashibumi, the placing of the footing, and followed by the middle segments, and then ending with kai, the full draw, and hanare, the release.
yea, in shooting, we focus on the start and the end. then we break the middle portion into 6 parts. because what we can control is only the present.
just like now.
just the release.
just the preparation.
we can't control the eventual result. but in our minds, we already have our result. that the arrow must hit the target. we have both the beginning and the end. all we need is for the arrow to flow smoothly to the target. this route we cannot control. but it isn't the deciding factor.
because in kyudo, archery is a reversal of cause and effect. the arrow is already seen to hit the target even before we have released the arrow.
we can see our own goals just in the same way. and all we can do is to prepare for the eventual result. regardless of what the true result is, we know that we have done our best.
be glad by the fact that we could not have done any better, because "人生中根本没有输赢，没有做对或做错，只有要对得起自己的原则". yea, i really like that quote.
whatever we do.
we just have to be able to face ourselves.
we've got to be able to look ourselves in the mirror and be proud of who we are.
we've got to be able to know that we've done and have no regrets about it.
i salute that spirit. thanks.
and i'm glad to be able to see that in you again. (:
slashed at 2:27 PM .
it's september 11.
just a few years back, it was the same day many people died.
and they died just because they were at the wrong place at the wrong time.
and no one could save them.
there wasn't even a way they could survive.
if there was, the probability was close to zero.
time passes.
and people forget about the incident.
and they go on to live normal lives.
but some who lost their loved ones in that fire,
will never forget.
and they'll bear a longing hatred,
that'll last till the day the flame of their candle
is snuffed out.
time passes.
and we all forget about the evils that lurk out there.
and the evils that lurk around us.
we take things for granted.
but there and then.
there were people who prayed fervently to be saved.
were their prayers answered?
where was god?
people looked for an answer.
they wanted a saviour.
they didn't get any.
all of them died in that fire.
sometimes,
we don't leave things up to god.
we need to do some things ourselves.
if we want peace,
we've got to earn it.
where was god when they needed him the most?
did he have a plan?
did he plan to let those people die?
weren't they his children?
they are god's children.
but aren't we all?
so does it mean that when we're in such dire circumstances,
our prayers go unanswered?
the few hundreds of them on the plane.
the few thousands of relatives who prayed for their safe trip.
the few millions that pray everyday that their friends and family would be safe.
god ignored their prayers.
he wanted a balance.
he wanted his balance of good and evil.
he wanted to show the world that evil existed.
his reminder was at the expense of his childrens' lives.
the people in that plane prayed for a miracle.
they didn't get it.
miracles don't happen.
people make them happen.
people make miracles with their own willpower.
people make miracles with their own strength.
people make miracles with their compassion.
even if it means sacrificing some part of themselves.
for in this world,
god made it such that there is always an equal exchange
between good and evil.
so the only way for a miracle,
would be to become one.
to sacrifice one's life for the good of humanity,
against god's will.
determined to the end.
to create a world that once only existed in dreams.
some people have the strength.
others have the power.
but who has the will?
we look deep into our hearts for the answer.
slashed at 11:04 PM .
i look at my calculator on my table. yea. i lost the previous one. but it's functions still do somehow give me that similar reminder. that someone whom i trusted so much wanted to set me up before the math test by switching my calculator from degrees mode to radians. yea, and he used to be a close friend of mine. my deskmate in sec3 and 4. glad i din make him my godbro ba. people change somehow. brings bad memories.
ok, back to mugging chem.
nothing is getting into my head.
i'm so dead.
slashed at 10:27 PM .
Shirou Emiya
what more can i say. you love helping people no matter what. you cherish those who mean everything to you. you love deeply, live fully, and you never back down to anything. you know what you want and you fight for it. you have plenty of determination. and with that. you can achieve anything.
you are very reckless and would rather think of others well being than yourself.
you are the scabbard of someone special in you life. but only if you are true to your intentions. only if you stay righteous no matter what. with you determination. you can move mountains. you can even make a king/queen fall in love with you. just because of you compassion.
you can fight with the best of them, though sometimes you can be so naive. but thats what makes you so special. you are a sucker for helping people. and you know what. you dont care. as long as helping people out, you'll put your life on the line for someone.
and you never give up. your a hard worker and you are easily loved, friends and enemies alike.
you can easily sense hostility towards you and you never stop getting better at what you do. even though you want something badly. you can sacrifice it with no second thoughts. for the greater good. or for the basic reason: that even though someone fell in love with you and you want to be with them forever but that person has an unfulfilled something that they must attend to, you can let them go. because for you. you never want to hurt people.
you never want to stain someones pride. specially the one that you cherish the most.
you are the ultimate martyr. and you will go far in life.
slashed at 5:16 PM .
blogger's halfway back to normal. can't say it's fully normal. but yea, the functions are there.
ytd was 090909.. hahax.. quite cool ba.. din really notice it. but i guess it's symbolic of sth that's long lasting. from the start to the end. everything ends, and when it does, we always ask ourselves, how did it start? and we think of the past. and all the times we had. it was good, whatever that event was. good while it lasted. and yea, maybe it's because we only remember the good things. like what they say, the "good old days". selective memory. people only choose to remember the good things, and the things which would make their lives better, ie. happier in the future. (:
first memories.
jiale. "mm.. sure.." in class 3B.. abt some chem qn..
victor. "hey wad time is it ah?" guitar camp sec 1..
simjoo. "(on telling name) oh.. heys, are you korean?"
chufeng. "you've a nice voice." national songwriting comp sec 3..
jiaying. "yea, you fit it in there." arrow to string..
zhiwei. (counts the number of MT people.. 1.. 2.. 3..) "hmm?"
while the candle burns,
let it burn brightly.
we'll never know how long it'll last,
but while it does,
we'll make the best out of it.
for that's the most we can do..
slashed at 3:49 PM .
the days keep passing by,
and we still chase the same star we once saw.
things don't change for him.
he still wishes for some things that god will never allow.
yet he foolishly chases that dream.
with faith that one day, he'll make that dream come true.
but all is but a distant utopia.
a utopia that can never be reached.
but that doesn't mean that he'll stop fighting.
cos a utopia like that can continue to exist,
and will exist,
if only people believe in it,
as much as they are willing to believe in god.
slashed at 2:19 PM .
life is like a candle.
the day we're given flame is the day we start melting.
we'll never know when we burn out.
but we know that while we burn, we'll enjoy it's warmth.
and we'll try our best to burn brightly.
keeping in mind that one day, we may all burn away.
and all that's left of us would just be memories.
slashed at 2:25 PM .
life is fragile.
the day god lit the candle and gave us life, was the day the candle started melting away. we'd never know how long our candle can still burn. only god knows. all we can do is to treasure the chance that god gave us, and live our life to the fullest.
enjoy the warmth of the flame, keeping in mind that we do have a finite amount of wax to burn. and at the same time, appreciating that we've been chosen by god among the rest of the unlit candles. though we may melt away unlike the rest who god did not give the flame to, we are given this chance to experience the warmth of the fire, to experience life. and this time of which we are burning down slowly, we'll treasure it. and experience life to the fullest. (:
enjoy what we have now, and treasure it.
for we may never know how long this flame can continue to burn.
but while it does, we can ensure that it burns brightly.
slashed at 7:04 PM .
people will eventually die, and death itself is sad.
but pain shouldn't be the only thing that remains.
a death is painful, but it also leaves behind bright memories.
as i am bound by these people's deaths..
as i am protected by my memories of kiritsugu
i believe memories become constraints and change the people living now.
even if..
they are memories that will eventually be forgotten.
no matter how painful the past,
one cannot redo it.
if you wish for a second chance, it should be from this moment on and not from the past.
if there is something she should do.
she should not go back to the past to accomplish it.
but rather, she must start to establish the wishes that never came true from this moment on.
the measures the holy grail takes are very reasonable.
letting one person survive means killing another.
this world is one of equal exchanges.
wishing for some special event means feeding on something to make it possible.
Daily dose of FSN.
heh. ok. back to work.
slashed at 1:56 PM .
i found an easier way to do the Z test. and it works. wth. tested it on a whole load of questions. and it works. great. prelim papers for the win. i hate RJ and it's old fashioned methods. sucks la. we now want a fast and quick way to the answer. just teach us that yea?
oh and the stupid colour wheel which you have to memorise? which your teachers all told you, it's too bad, all you can do is memorise. shit them. i've got an MCYS highlighter which gives you 5 colours all in the right order. yea, 5 highlighters stuck in a flower shaped contraption. looks quite nice. and yes. IT IS A HIGHLIGHTER. IT IS PART OF STATIONARY. no way anyone can doubt that. all you have to do to read the colour wheel, is to hold the highlighter with your thumb in between violet and orange. the thumb represents red. and there you go. the 6 colours. all in the right order. go get one, really, it's better than cracking your head over the notes.
this is one of the reasons why i think RJ sucks. this is the main reason why i needa create my own study group. to help people like me, and to help myself. RI teachers would have given us all the tips to help us score. all the simplified ways to help us do well for our exams. RJ teachers just can't be bothered. they teach just for the sake of the $$. so in the end, why become a teacher? just go be an engineer, a chemist or sth! why screw up the lives of young people? haiz. i don't understand la.
but yea, we're here. and there's nothing we can do about it, we can do nothing to help the situation, except help ourselves. if no one spoonfeeds us, no one teaches us how to play our cards the simplest way possible, then i guess we've gotta do it ourselves yea. undertable. heh. RJ wants independent learning. but it's not gonna have it. all it wants is face. all RJ wants is it's bloddy face. cos 1k ppl in the exam hall taking out their highlighters to do the questions will indeed seem interesting. especially for the teachers from other schools who come to invigillate.
just a parting statement. not point lamenting on what we don't have. we have to make use of whatever we have to get to our goals. so there.
indeed.
we either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong.
slashed at 10:30 PM .
人有思想，却怕胡思乱想。
人有朋友，却怕猪朋狗友。
人有缘份，却怕有缘无份。
人有理想，却选择不理也不想。
people are just weird. we work hard, to get what we want. then we feel happy at what we've gotten, and then we ask ourselves, what if one day, we don't have it any longer? we start to want more things, to achieve some things to use as a backup, a support if ever we lose the former, we still have this. so we work harder, to get more. and when we get more, the standard for us changes, and we're effectively stuck in the cycle of fear, adrenaline, and weariness, through a great part of our lives till the day we see the light. most of the time, this day comes only at our death. we never get to live a full day like that. sad reality.
a quote i read from somewhere a long time ago.
"i wanted to hold hands, but that wasn't enough.
so i wanted hugs. and then i wanted kisses. and then i wanted you.
i now have you. i now have everything.
but i'm scared to lose you."
mugging maths tdy. heh. no, i don't have confidence in myself for math. yea, prelims all so hard la. haiz. dunno how it'll turn out yea.
slashed at 11:19 PM .
"if the holy grail will truly grant any wish, then permanaent world peace is the worst wish ever.
it means there's nothing right? a world without conflict is dead. if things aren't moving, all they do is rot."
"that's how the wise think. i feel the same way, but i'm still chasing a foolish dream."
from FSN - convo btw rin and archer.
heh. if the dynamic balance stagnates, we'd rot? so by trying to inject more good into society, we're actually tipping the balance over and trying to lead ourselves into destruction, and god forbids that. hmm. makes sense. heh. but sry. i like my ideals. god knows he can't make people change their minds, but he can control the forces around them to keep things in check. so that's what's happening. someday, i'll start believing in karma. really. (:
slashed at 10:32 AM .
blogger's being weird again. buttons disappeared again. lol.. econs case study tdy. not gd, not tt bad. just tt i din really do e 8m 2nd last qn cos i couldn't think of wad e qn was asking. damn la. it's just comparing policies. why make it so hard? can't you be more clear? haiz. RJ la. wad to do. try to be complicated, sophisticated. to hell with that. LCC can just go and die. damn stupid la. julian was telling me abt how the prelim ans for other JCs are just 1 liner, and RJC ans scheme has lk 4-5 lines for a simple qn. heh. if a 1 liner can save your time and give you the marks, then dear RJ, why do you want to show off? wtf la. i'm sick and tired of this stupidity la. if my future son ever wants to go to RI, i'll strongly encourage him, but RJ, i'll have second thoughts. really. this sucks. i don't want to learn more than i should be learning to get me a simple A for my A levels. i don't need a very high A. just a basic A. and you know what? we learn too much to know what's expected of us. because we don't know what's expected in an answer, we don't finish the paper on time, why? because we write too much. too much unnecessary stuffs. yea. like what yingxiang said, catching too much, and dun catch anth at all.
yea. i would rephrase tt. RJ = an antelope priding itself over it's antlers and scorning it's legs, when it's its legs that really matter.
ok, so much for a hate-RJ post. now for normal stuffs.
watched the exorcist on my way back from sch. heh. yea.. at the movie shop with coffee ice blended bubble tea. hahax.. the guy was damn nice, i asked if it was a new show and he said, "wanna watch?" so we sat there to watch. LOL.. :D yay me. i have people aura. everywhere i go i seem to get free stuffs from nice people. hahax.. ok la, i've seen my share of bad people too. time to meet more nice people and change my impression of people as a whole. mhmm.. found a new friend, so i'm kinda happy. i'll whip the shit out of anyone who tries to do bad stuffs to tt shop. so there. HAHA.. reminds me of the bubble tea shop uncle years back.. memories.. (:
yea, e movie was quite gd ba.. i quite liked the last part about facts and possibilities. and how if things were cast in stone, there wouldn't be room for doubt. but father moore loved emily rose, and did everything he could in his power to save her, and for her good. but yea, sth tt really remained etched in my mind was the scene when emily asked god why she was suffering, and the holy mary replied "to show the world that demons exist." when given the choice to either leave her body and ascend to heaven or to remain on earth to show the world that demons exist, she chose the latter. we are but pawns in the face of the higher and more powerful beings above, who decide that they want balance in the world.
when demons enter your lives, how do you face them? with guilt? or with anger and hatred? the only force i know strong enough to rid demons from our lives are our willpower and determination - the soft pure forces, or anger and hatred - the dark fierce forces. the latter works for most of the time. the former does, but it's more painful.
From Wikipedia:
The Satanic Bible names Belial as one of the Four Crown Princes of Hell (specifically, the North Crown), and states that his name means "'without a master' and symbolizes true independence, self-sufficiency, and personal accomplishment."
hey vic, you're a catholic rite, pls dun fall into the path of such sin k? sometimes, it's not personal accomplishment or true independence that defines who we are, but who we truly are inside as humans. if it's the company you have then i suggest you keep away from them. it's not gd and i hate to see you change into a selfish and self-centered person. take care bro.
maybe it's the stress that's changing people around me. or maybe people change cos they see a need to, and that change keeps them alive and afloat. maybe i don't change cos i've so many personalities to choose from, to switch into when i need it, so i don't need to change my true character and my true personality. is that it? makes sense ba. oh wells. i hate change. sorry, i just like the status quo, cos i like to think that my closest friends are all kind and caring people, and will always be till the end of time. i'm being idealistic. but that's me i guess.
i've got some time left. shall add this bit to the post.
let me tell you a story about a boy. this boy, on thursday, 27 august, he was scribbling random things on his classroom desk, scratching it with his pencil. randomly, he stared at the table, and his hand just moved writing random numbers... "3..1..2..2." looked a little like 2 or 7.. so on friday 28 august, he asked his mum, hey mum, why not buy 3122, 3127, 3172, and 3177? might come out leh. just have a kind of feeling.. cos he remembered that his mum asked him for lucky numbers when he was young.. and they sometimes struck luck. so his mum was kinda excited. and wrote the numbers down. the day after, he fell sick. down with a bad fever that kept rising. he couldn't eat, he was dizzy, and he felt terrible. that was saturday, 30th. that night, he thought to himself, somehow he felt that whatever he had done was a trade. the cash for some part of his life. his mum checked the papers, and the number 3122 came out consolations, but she didn't buy the number, since she was too busy taking care of him. would have gotten $75 per $2 bought. tt night, he vomitted out a lot of undigested food into the toilet bowl. he slept well. the next day, he was cured.
a brush with the supernatural? or a mere coincidence? did the forces who gave him that number decide to take away some life from him as a trade, and then realise that the trade didn't take place, so stopped in its process? or was it just luck that the boy was cured within a day? maybe his immune system was good. but how do you explain the numbers then? and the scribblings? was it other forces at work? or was it merely a coincidence? this we shall leave it to the individual to infer. whether you believe in other worldly forces or not, there is always a possibility. i shan't disclose the name of the boy in the story as he chooses to remain annonymous.
a little shiver down your spine. but relax. what we cannot see, but may exist, does not seek to harm us, as they were once like us. they seek only to interact and fufil their wants.
this might seem a lot of gibberish to some. just take it with an open mind yea. kk, i'm tired. off to slp le.. gdnite! (:
slashed at 10:10 PM .
the watch dad gave me broke tdy. not a v gd sign ba. bad omen. ): emo la.. yea, but not into pieces. just the back plastic circle with 'the more you know' on it.. yea, tt came off. and the seconds needle is dislocated. at these times, i wish i had sylar's telekinesis. heh. can fix it up nicely. bought a little case for it ba.. i'm keeping it in my cupboard at home since the strap's kinda loose too. came off once. prolly ask dad for another one 2nite. haiz.. i really liked tt watch.. least it was the first automatic one my dad gave me. (: supposed to keep my safe, since it has a 24 hr energy storage capacity. how's that a form of insurance? go figure. :D
slashed at 4:54 PM .
Edward Moore "Ted" Kennedy (February 22, 1932 – August 25, 2009)
"Like my brothers before me, I pick up a fallen standard. Sustained by the memory of our priceless years together, I shall try to carry forward that special commitment to justice, to excellence, to courage, that distinguished their lives."
A really meaningful quote from the late US senator. And the world bids goodbye to another good man. Sad yea.
GP prelims tmr. and blogger is being weird again. gdnite world.
slashed at 10:22 PM .
